If I had a single wish I could be granted, it would be to get an uninterrupted night’s sleep. I feel like I’m on the verge of going postal this morning, and it’s because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in some time. So, after the SWAT sniper takes me out, this is the note they’ll find clutched in my bloody hand:
At last I can have some undisturbed rest. After my neighbors are all done telling you that I was “the quiet type” and FOX News has stopped trying to find my links to al-Quaeda, please consider the following causes for my break with reality:
- Maynard The Cat — of all the people I could blame, the Number One villain is my cat. He’s in my face beginning around 3:00 a.m. each day unless I throw him out of the house at night, whereupon he begins meowing at the top of his lungs at the first hint of daylight. Stronger men than I have gone mad for less. The other cat, Harry, gladly spends the night outside, and on those nights when he does stay indoors actually sleeps all night long. Maynard may actually be in the employ of my enemies — watch him carefully.
- The air conditioner — We’ve had a hot and humid summer. Our typical response is to hole up in the bedroom in the evenings with the air conditioner. While I’m awake, it’s a blessing. But the incessant noise all night long absolutely devastates my sleep. My wife LOVES white noise and actually prefers to have some background thrum, but not me. I am a much lighter sleeper, and it throws off my ability to get a sound sleep. Our house holds in the heat like a thermos jug, so even if the nights are a bit less uncomfortable outside, the air conditioner is the only way to maintain a livable temperature.
- The television — Not only does my wife like white noise, she likes to go to sleep to the noise of the television, generally at its normal volume level. While I don’t seem to have any trouble falling asleep when the TV is on, invariably I find that the soundtrack of whatever programs are on at 1:00-3:00 a.m. works its way into my dreams. Given that my wife likes to watch such “quality” programming as “The Real World” on MTV, this makes for some very disturbing dreams. Most nights, when I am awakened at 3:00 by the aforementioned goddamn cat, I turn the TV off, but there’s a 50-50 shot that she’s going to wake up herself and turn the thing back on.
- My wife — if the accumulated sonic landscape of the thrumming A/C and the blaring television is not enough to keep my wife asleep, she has a tendency to wake up and be unable to get back to sleep at all, whereupon she will sit up and watch the TV, flipping channels through the panoply of overnight cable offerings, until she is able to doze off again, and yelling at the cat to get away from her.
Right now, it’s a dry, breezy, pleasant day outside, so there’s actually the chance of going to bed tonight without the A/C, getting the cat to spend the night outside, and having the wife sleep all night without the assistance of a chick-flick on late-night Lifetime. I hope so, because then I might actually get through an entire night without interruption. Otherwise, I won’t be responsible for the alternative consequences.
I haven’t slept all night since 1998! That’s the year my daughter was born.
As it happens, my child is about the only one who doesn’t regularly disturb my sleep. She went through a phase a couple of years ago of waking up in the middle of the night, but it went away. Otherwise she has always been a sound sleeper since she was an infant.
I have to force myself to turn off the lights and I still spleep with the TV on when I’m on the road, although I admit that its not the best of plans. My most frequent roomate – after Sami – brings and eyemask and ear plugs with her when she rooms with me and says she uses them most of the time at home too.
You may wish to consider something we are debating getting, a whole house fan.
http://www.wholehousefan.com/
They make different models and some even have a thermal door that closes when not in use for better efficacy in the winter.
My grandparents used to have one in their house and when the windows were open and you turned it on it brought air quietly into the house.
I love the white noise of a fan, but not the A/C. I only use A/C when desperate. Tylenol PM is my advise to you dude…love the stuff…love it.