Be Warned: this post falls squarely into the “TMI” category for many people.
When you take several different daily medications, the way I do, inevitably you’re going to get at least ONE unpleasant side effect. Considering all the possible side effects that many popular prescription drugs cause, I am actually fairly lucky in that I only have one or two worth mentioning. I switched one of my medications a couple of months ago, and, while the beneficial effect of the drug has been enormous, it has had more noticeable side effects than just about anything else I’ve ever taken. Of them, the most aggravating one did not last very long. One that remains is dry mouth, particularly if I’m nervous, but which is easily dealt with by drinking water throughout the day.
The other one, though, is a little problematic. You see, it makes me fart. A lot. No, no, I mean A LOT. The average person cuts the cheese about 14 times a day, expelling about half a liter of gas. While I haven’t actually bothered to count, I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that the number of occurrences is greatly in excess of the average, and I am producing enough gas to fuel the entire city of Boston for a week.
One of the other pills I take also affects the lower GI, so I had gotten used to being a little gassy, but lately it’s bad enough that I am even starting to gross myself out (and I am not easily grossed out, let me tell you). If this particular drug weren’t so effective for its intended purpose, I would stop taking it, but I expect to continue with it for some time. So I guess I need to visit a CVS and check out the non-prescription anti-flatulent options and cut back on the consumption of foods that only make the issue more severe.
You know who else had a farting problem? That right. Hitler. Turns out the Germans needed all that lebensraum to put some safe distance between themselves and Der Fuhrer’s SBDs.
But it’s not just Hitler. This particular video clip shows “Dancing With The Stars” hottie Julianne Hough treating her partner Helio Castroneves to a little toot during rehearsal. And you thought pretty girls didn’t fart? PUHLEEZE.
(It’s at moments like these that I bet you’re all glad nobody has invented Smell-O-Vision for the Internet yet)
Dear Harvey, Pete, Barry, Kevin, and every other weathermonkey on Boston-area TV: Enough is enough. The fucking blizzard was THIRTY-TWO YEARS AGO. It’s time to stop trotting out the same blurry videotape of cars stuck on Rt. 128 that is older than some of the people who are actually on your broadcast, just so we [...]
It’s going to be a long two months waiting for the iPad to actually ship so that all the tech bloggers and their hangers-on will stop writing so much speculative bullshit about iT and turn their attention iNstead to some other thing that’s going to Change Life As We Know iT. Since you cannot click [...]
Please, please, PUH-LEEZE stop talking about “What do we call the last decade?” Nobody could come up with an acceptable choice ten years ago, and nobody’s going to come up with one now. “Aughties” and “Naughties” are contrived and stupid, and so is the very idea that anything wraps up all nice and neatly into [...]
14 farts per day is the average? If that’s true, I’m about 10 years behind.
Well, obviously I am making up for you.
And all this time I thought it was the onion dip…
Maybe it’s time for you to consider those charcoal laced underpants you wrote about a while ago?
I’m beginning to think you’re right.