Okay, I’m a born and bred native of Massachusetts; I know how to merge and I know who has the right of way in a rotary (and I’ll cut you* if you ignore the rules), but I am pretty certain that I am not what you would call a Masshole on the road. Not for nothin’, I routinely let people get in the lane ahead of me, waving or flashing lights to give the signal to go ahead, and I actually WAVE when someone else lets me go ahead of them like nice people occasionally do.

*Truth be told, there will be no cutting, but I might yell (to myself, with my windows closed), “Faggot!” No, I am not proud that this is the term that somehow comes out of my mouth when I am most frustrated or pissed off at another driver, and no, I don’t think that homosexuals are somehow responsible for all the (M)assholish driving around these parts, but it’s the truth. Unfortunately, it is the term that, when I was in elementary school and developing my arsenal of insult words (is that early or just about right?), was the single most devastating thing one could say to another. I’m working on this, I promise, and I really do keep it to myself (except for when I post revelatory sh*t like this on public blogs), but if you have suggestions for non-homophobic insults I would welcome your input. This may not keep me from becoming a Masshole, but at least I wouldn’t be mortified every time someone cuts me off when they’re the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.