As you may know, on September 7th, Spore, the most highly anticipated computer game of the last five years will hit the shelves. Sometime shortly there after, when my pre-ordered copy shows up on my doorstep, I will disappear into my Fortress of Solitude with it and may not be seen again for months. Unless it sucks, in which case I’ll re-emerge almost instantaneoulsy, but let’s not even consider that possibility right now.
A couple of months ago, Electronic Arts and Maxis, the company that is actually developing the game, announced that they would whet everyone’s appetite with an early release of the module of the game that allows you to design the beings that will populate the game world for you. And so earlier this week — Tuesday, in fact — they made a limited version of the Creature Creator available for free and also started selling the Creature Creator as a stand-alone item on sale for $9.95. (Why you would spend $10 on this is beyond me; they won’t give you $10 off on the final game if you buy the CC module, so why not just play with the limited free version and save your cash for later?)
Hundreds of thousands of eager fans (myself included) have downloaded the Creature Creator in the last three days, and over 300,000 player-created aliens have been uploaded to the game’s database. And can you guess what the most popular type of alien is?
Yep. Giant penises! Hundreds of different variations on penis-shaped, penis-headed, penis-talied, or penis-covered creatures just waiting to be played with. There are also creatures that resemble two people engaging in sex, the occasional naked female, and, of course, a walking, roaring animated representation of the Goatse man (or, at least, his most famous pose).
The fad has even generated its own name: Sporn. Ain’t life grand?
Dear Harvey, Pete, Barry, Kevin, and every other weathermonkey on Boston-area TV: Enough is enough. The fucking blizzard was THIRTY-TWO YEARS AGO. It’s time to stop trotting out the same blurry videotape of cars stuck on Rt. 128 that is older than some of the people who are actually on your broadcast, just so we [...]
It’s going to be a long two months waiting for the iPad to actually ship so that all the tech bloggers and their hangers-on will stop writing so much speculative bullshit about iT and turn their attention iNstead to some other thing that’s going to Change Life As We Know iT. Since you cannot click [...]
Please, please, PUH-LEEZE stop talking about “What do we call the last decade?” Nobody could come up with an acceptable choice ten years ago, and nobody’s going to come up with one now. “Aughties” and “Naughties” are contrived and stupid, and so is the very idea that anything wraps up all nice and neatly into [...]
