I officially OD’d on watching the Olympics last night. I think what put me over the top was the screaming hysterical voice used by the color commentator on the BMX final. For starters I’m still not really sure that BMX is really even a sport for anyone over the age of 13 (you know, like women’s gymnastics), and secondly that sort of feverish shrieking is better left for the genuine highlight moments which these games have actually had.

As a heterosexual male, I didn’t think I would ever get to this point, but, if I never see Kerri Walsh’s ass again, it will be too soon. Yes, those lingering closeups of her perfectly-toned, sun-bronzed buttocks, her body bent over in anticipation, her little white bikini bottom teasingly tucked into the sand-dusted cleft of her cheeks, and her fingerings flashing suggestively to her partner finally got me to the brink of not giving a good goddamn. Oh, and at the next Olympics I think it would only be fair if the MEN’s beach volleyball team played wearing only jockstraps while the women’s team get to wear muu-muus or burqas or moderately-priced casual wear from Sears.

NBC was so intent on showing every last second of women’s beach volleyball that somehow they missed THIS event. I’m not even sure what it is, but it looks like the Chinese team dominates it anyway. I’ll bet it would have scored BIG ratings, too.

The transformation of Beijing as seen in all the interstitial footage between women’s beach volleyball games is nothing less than astonishing. The most amazing part of China’s transformation is that all the electrical power consumed in China is generated from the supersonic speed at which the corpse of Mao Tse-Tung spins in his grave. Of course, in the process of making Beijing look like Los Angeles, the Chinese government has had to scrimp on a few road projects in the countryside, as evidenced by the photo above. I also found this photo fairly telling:

And in all those human-interest segments where the assorted NBC personnel were treated to the oddities of authentic Chinese cuisine, they managed to miss this trendy boite:

(I hasten to note that “cow something” was not included on that Foodie’s 100 List the other day, but if it had been I most certainly would have crossed it out)

Not to knock Usain Bolt’s amazing wins in the 100m and 200m sprints, but do you think NBC would have paid him nearly as much attention if Tyson Gay (oops, I mean Tyson Homosexual) hadn’t scratched? Of course, NBC doesn’t really need to promote Usain Bolt, because he seems to be doing a fine job of it himself (although the IOC isn’t too happy about that)

So I’m going to try to stay away from the TV tonight and tomorrow to save up whatever remaining enthusiasm I have for the Closing Ceremonies. The closing is never as big a deal as the opening, but even still they are going to be extremely hard pressed to do anything that will live up to the impossibly high standards set by the Opening Ceremonies. In fact, I hear that the London Olympic Organizing Committee has decided that they’re just going to show a videtape of the Beijing ceremonies and be done with it rather than try to come up with something on their own. Meanwhile, during the late night hours after the track and field competitions are over each day, they’ve been rehearsing the Closing Ceremonies in the Bird’s Nest:

Zhang Yimou wasn’t available to do both ceremonies, so Bill Gates volunteered to head up the show, which will culminate in Jerry Seinfeld extinguishing the Olympic Torch while a computer running Windows Vista blue-screens in front of 90,000 spectators.

Oh, and just for good measure, here’s one more picture of Kerri Walsh’s ass, Misty May-Treanor’s ass, and the Official Ass Of The United States of America.