Is there anything more sadistically entertaining than spending a summer evening sitting on the deck watching assorted flying insects meet their final reward in the glowing fluorescent light of a bug zapper? Especially the big ones like the wasp in this video, who sometimes even burst into flames. Now THAT’s some entertainment, kids!

Since it’s winter where I live, and all the bugs are pretty much gone for the season, I guess I’ll just have to content myself with this Virtual Bug Zapper until next spring. (You can even install it as a screensaver, if you need your fix more than once in a while)

Or maybe you’re more amused by pet toys. I mean, c’mon, admit it, everybody plays with pet toys now and then, right? You’re home alone, kinda bored, looking for something to pass the time, and out of the corner of your eye you spot your dog’s favorite squeaky bone, or your kitty’s squeaky mouse. It’s HOURS of entertainment!

Okay, you don’t have a pet…or, you do have a pet, but Fido isn’t too keen about sharing his toys with you…or, there’s just too much kitty slobber on the catnip doll to even consider picking it up in your teeth. So for you there is this Virtal Squeaky Toy.

Oh, all right, you’re a little too highbrow for frying insects and squeaky toys. You would rather have your mind tickled and treated to something with a more sophisticated aesthetic. Then how about a Virtual Kaleidoscope you can design yourself? Just drag the colored bits into the thing that looks like a radar screen and watch the kaleidoscopic patterns in the circle next to it. There’s a newer version, too, but it gets confused if your Flash plug-in is later than Version 6 (the latest is V.10), so stick to that first link unless you are sure you’re only using V.6.

This Tonight Show clip from 1983 (via Mark Evanier, of course) features Albert Brooks doing one of the funniest bits I ever saw him do on that show. He whips out a Speak-And-Spell toy and proceeds to do a ventriloquist act with it that sends Johnny Carson into hysterics. I remember watching this particular program and howling with laughter at this routine. Hey, it was 1983, we had to make do with what comedy we could get back then.

Even though you probably won’t have much of an act if you visit this link, you can go and play with this Virtual Speak-And-Spell that works just like the original 1980s toy. Heck, if you were an ’80s kid, maybe you even still HAVE a Speak-And-Spell tucked away in your parents’ attic, in which case showbiz fame and fortune await!