How will you remember this day, little girl? How will you remember this year that brought the three of us so much upheaval and anguish and still managed to squeeze in some moments of laughter and joy? Not only did you grow so much on the outside, you grew immeasurably on the inside as well, and I can see you bumping your heart and mind almost as much as you bump your bigger feet or longer legs or higher head as you navigate the world. When you have reached my age, will you remember this year of adjustments, or will it all blur softly and kindly for you?
The blocks now begin to fit together, a few at a time, and we can see some of the pieces that you will carry along for the rest of your life. Others will not find their way into the framework for a time yet. You are sweet and charitable, yet implacably stubborn. You fit in with others in a way I never have, but your singleness of character always stands you apart from the crowd. If you can master these parts of yourself, my daughter, and learn to make use of them, they could serve you well. But struggle, you will, with school and other things that try to exact too much obedience to an agenda not your own, and though you are not a rebel, you will likely fight every effort to restrict you along the way. Fight hard, but try to remember that the opposite of white is not always black.
For the year to come, my greatest wish for you is for that one thing that ignites one’s heart, fills one’s mind, moves one’s soul…whatever it might be. Childhood holds dreams so firmly that sometimes it is hard to know the separation between them and the rest of the world. Many pass through the next few years, but one or two lodge themselves deeply and stay with us always. If you’re lucky enough to find one now, it might be a treasure for a long time to come. If not, don’t despair, there will be more time still.
I also wish that the bumps, upsets, and adjustments of this year closing provide you with a sense of flexibility and an eye for focus for the year to come, and all the years after that. Your nature wants to make you stand in one spot and push back against the forces of the world, but if you can develop a feeling for when it is time to sidestep, adapt, or even let the forces have their way, you will be less likely to have to push so hard all the time.
I promise to stand behind you, maybe even a few steps more than you might like sometimes, but never too far to reach. I promise to watch and guide, but not to direct or lead. And I promise that no matter what else might change as you grow, my love never will.
A sweet little song from Loudon Wainwright III that reminded me of you (and me):
Happy Birthday, Charlotte.
That’s quite lovely Brian. Happy birthday to Charlotte from her best friend in Washington.