A Sad Errand

These pictures are of the very first meeting between Charlotte and my mother-in-law’s dog, Barkley, when Charlotte was about seven months old. Though we’d taken the baby to my in-laws’ house a couple of times before this moment, she was just a baby-in-a-bucket and there had been no interaction with the dog, but by the time Christmas rolled around, Charlotte was sitting up and playing and even took her first pull-up steps on that particular visit. Barkley, who is as pampered and spoiled as any dog you will ever meet, was more that a little taken aback by this tiny invader who seemed to get more attention from his Mother, and he did not like it one bit. It took a while, since with every subsequent visit Charlotte was a little bit bigger and a little bit different, but eventually Barkley decided that she was not a threat to his exalted position, and he accepted her as part of the family.

Barkley is about 12 years old now, which is getting pretty old for a large dog, and my in-laws recently learned that he has cancer; he will certainly die of the disease in short order, should they decide not to have him put down. Our original plans for Columbus Day weekend were to have them come to Boston for a day and go out to lunch with them (as well as Bridget’s sister and brother-in-law, who live in Connecticut) to celebrate their birthdays, both of which occur in October. Now, however, because of the dog’s fragile condition, they do not want to leave him alone and so the rest of us are driving up to Maine for a somewhat subdued celebration and to say goodbye to Barkley.

Those of you who were with me on Facebook will recall that I was really losing my shit a few weeks ago when Maynard gave me a small scare about his own mortality. Maynard, however, was just a little under the weather, and has returned to his good old self. Poor old Barkley is on his way to the Rainbow Bridge for real. When Bridget told us the news about the dog the other night, it hit Charlotte pretty hard. As with Maynard and Harry, Charlotte has had Barkley as a fixture in her life for as long as she can remember. It was hard for her thinking that Maynard might be gone, it has been harder still knowing that Barkley will be gone.

I have always tried to tell Charlotte that the One Universal Truth is that all living things eventually die, and that no one is spared. I know that she understands this in the abstract, because we’ve had a few tearful conversations about her realizing that Bridget and I will someday not be here with her, but this is really her first serious encounter with losing someone she knows and loves. What is hard for me (and I assume for Bridget, too) is going through this particular experience knowing that it is only the first one. My mother-in-law turns 79 today; she’s in very good health for someone on the cusp of 80, but time is not on her side, nor is it for Bridget’s father; he’s five years younger, but his health is much worse. The day when the trip to Maine is to say goodbye to one (both) of them looms large on our horizon.

Charlotte has cheered herself a little with the thought that her grandmother will almost certainly get another dog not long after Barkley is gone. She’s convinced herself that Grandma will be getting a puppy, and that she (Charlotte) will get the exclusive naming rights. The likelier outcome, though, is that Grandma will adopt an already-grown dog, and part of that equation is the cold, hard reality that a puppy with a lifespan of 10-12 years would probably outlive both of my in-laws. Even in the gladness of welcoming a new member into the family, the truth of the universe must be considered.

Of course, we all inevitably have to come to terms with the loss of parents, grandparents, pets, friends, even the seemingly-unimaginable loss of a spouse or child. And, of course, we all have to face our own mortality. It’s such a commonplace aspect of life that you would think we’d have better mechanisms as a culture for helping one another understand its mundanity, but for the most part we spend far more energy denying it than accepting it. It’s going to be a sad time saying goodbye to Barkley, but it won’t be the only day like this for Charlotte, it’s an introduction to what life is really like.