Your host, Mr. BKO
Greetings, friends. Thanksgiving can be one of the most stressful days of the year for many of us, so here are a few helpful tips from me to you to make your holiday a little less tense:
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It’s very important to have your menu worked out in advance to make meal preparation simple and efficient. Even though many of us enjoy trying new dishes and stretching our culinary imaginations the other 364 days of the year, the reality is that your family doesn’t want anything “unique” or “creative” for Thanksgiving, they just want the same old same old. It is okay, however, to experiment with one or two side dishes:
And remember to choose an appropriately sized turkey for your group. A thirty-pound turkey may look awfully impressive on the table, but your family of four will be eating leftovers for six months.
If you decide to deep-fry your turkey, please follow all safety precautions as directed by the manufacturer of your deep fryer. Most importantly, DO NOT attempt to deep fry your turkey indoors, as it is an extreme fire hazard.
As the day wears on, your family members may begin to get a little impatient waiting for the feast. Small children can be especially hard to keep entertained, so make sure they have plenty of toys and games to amuse themselves with:
The men in the group might be kept entertained by watching the traditional Thanksgiving Day football games. You can help them increase their enjoyment of the game by making explanatory cards that will help them understand the arcane rules and signals used by the officials:
After stuffing their faces full of dopamine-laden turkey and hyperglycemia-inducing carb-heavy side dishes, your family will probably collapse from exhaustion for a while, until time and digestion work their magic and start everyone scrambling for the bathroom. Be sure to stock up on high-fiber food like this:
Even the best cooks in the world sometimes have unexpected kitchen disasters, so in the event things go south in your kitchen, you can always give the Colonel a call.
I hope these tips prove to be useful to you, and wish you all a pleasant Thanksgiving!
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“The BKO Guide to Thanksgiving.” Better than NYT, way better than the Food Network. And just where might an eager-to-do-Thanksgiving-right cook go to find the treats featured in this guide?