1. They have those awesome retractable metal claws…oh, wait, that’s Wolverine.
2. All badgers are born knowing how to do quadratic equations, but lose this skill within days after birth.
3. They have a delicious vanilla creme filling.
4. In 1876, a single badger held off an entire division of Austrian hussars for three days. Later, Archduke Ferdinand himself presented the badger with a commission as field marshal and a big purple sash.
5. Badgers are deathly afraid of citrus fruit, particularly pomelos.
6. Aaron Copland wanted to write an entire symphony about badgers, but Leonard Bernstein convinced him not to do it. He regretted the decision for the rest of his life and often muttered “Fuck you, Lenny, badgers kick ass” as he sank into dementia.
7. You can make a musical instrument out of a badger carcass by sticking a piece of bamboo in its ass and blowing air in its nose. Aaron Copland knew about this. Draw your own conclusions.
8. The University of Wisconsin chose the badger as its mascot only after rejecting the star-nosed mole and the pollock.
9. No one has ever seen a badger wearing suspenders.
10. They are frickin’ awesome!
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