FLASH!
The New York Daily News recently reported that one Colin Hagendorf of Brooklyn, New York has completed his quest of eating a slice of pizza from every single pizza place in Manhattan. For his next quest, Mr. Hagendorf will make use of every public toilet in Manhattan.

FLASH!
The citizens of Dog Shit Village in Guizhou Province, China, were ecstatic to learn that the government has finally awarded their town with a new name. Until the presentation of the new town sign.

FLASH!
Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich told a group of Florida voters yesterday that if he is elected he will order NASA to build a colony on the moon. No, really, he did. No joke. Except for Gingrich himself, of course.

And now let’s go live to our correspondent for breaking news from a situation developing on the expressway…Steve, over to you…

Flerdle, is that you?

They held their presidential election over the weekend. The Scandinavian countries have largely been spared from the financial chaos that threatens their southern neighbors, and Finland consistently rates right up there as one of the best places to live in the world, but the leading candidate after the first round is former finance minister Sauli Niinsto, who favors closer ties to the European Union. However, Niisto did not receive the needed 50% of the vote for an outright win, so he faces Green Party candidate and second-place finisher Pekka Haavisto in a runoff.

But this is just the icing on the proverbial cake: check out the election results from the first round of voting as displayed by the Finnish national television network YLE on their website. When the page finishes loading, click the button near the bottom that says “Sivakoikaa!”, and spend the next five minutes wishing that FOX News would do this for the Republican primaries.