Tag airport security

Invasion Of The Body Scanners

The initial rollout of full-body scanners for airport “security” which began in March has now been expanded from the original 11 to an additional 28, and they are eventually expected to be required at every airport in the United States, despite a variety of arguments against them ranging from privacy to radiation exposures to child pornography. Nevertheless, in this post-freedom world, they’re almost certainly here to stay, and nothing we can say or do will change that.

But you knew there had to be a money-making opportunity in there SOMEWHERE…so step right up and buy yourself a set of Flying Pasties. These 2mm-thick rubber pads, in both male and female versions, cover up your naughty bits so that the TSA agents can’t drool or snicker at them (they already do that to each other during the slow shifts), and even feature cute slogans like “Only My Husband Sees Me Naked”. Your basic male pastie only costs $9.99, but you can get a his-n-hers complete set for an introductory price of just $19.99.

These’ll also come in handy when the TSA decides it’s just easier to make everyone fly naked rather than spend all that time making people take their shoes and belts on and off all day.

How You Will (Not) Die

The National Safety Council has a list of the top 23 causes of death in the United States, and this BuzzFeed post conveniently lists them for you along with some meme-tastic pictures for illustration (several of which regular BKO readers will recognize, I’m sure). It should come as no surprise that the top three are heart disease, cancer, and stroke. Also on the list are being stung by bees (#20), riding a motorcycle (#11), and assault by firearms (#9).

Noticeably absent:

A Bulletin From The TSA

snowglobe

Effective immediatley, snowglobes are hereby designated as Weapons of Mass Destruction. Anyone caught in possession of said WMDs will be detained and forcibly bathed with seized containers of shampoo and shower gel, which are also lethal in sizes larger than 3 ounces.

On the other hand, you are now permitted to flee the country with as much cash as you can stuff into every pocket, crevice, and bodily orifice without being subject to search or seizure.

We remain confident that these random elements of intimidation will serve to delay your smooth and pleasant travel plans for the foreseeable future. Have a nice day.

Linkapalooza – Tech

Take a look at your next laptop’s 80GB hard drive. Yes, I said hard drive. Intel has just announced their solid-state hard drive product line beginning with this drive, called the X25-M. You can’t quite tell from this photo, but the form factor is designed around the 2.5-inch width that current laptop arm-and-platter disk drives use. However, it’s only as thick and as heavy as a typical chip-bearing circuit board, which is to say significantly less than traditional disk drives. This model has 80GB of storage, but Intel’s roadmap has 160GB models in the marketplace by early 2009, and smaller models available even sooner. The throughput performance of this drive is better than most current shipping 80GB laptop drives, and Intel claims that the lifespan of the drive should be five years (a complaint about flash-based drives to date has been the relatively small number of read-write cycles, but they claim to have worked around that). Because they are so efficient on I/O, solid-state drives are likely to be very quickly adopted for use in servers, enabling server hardware to shrink even more and reducing the likelihood of server downtime due to mechanical failures.

Now that the XM-Sirius merger is a done deal, the next thing to think about with regard to satellite radio is interoperability. In other words, making it possible for XM radios to receive Sirius signals and vice versa without making all their customers go out and buy new hardware. The FCC has already ruled that any new satellite radio receivers must be interoperable, but now they’ve put out a Notice Of Inquiry to decide whether or not satellite radios must also be interoperable with terrestrial HD radio. Ibiquity, Clear Channel, and NPR have all lobbied the FCC to mandate including HD Radio interoperability, but the FCC would only go so far as to launch the NOI, which starts a somewhat lengthy review process. This is not unlike the deliberations in the 1970s to compel radio makers to include the FM band on every radio; FM radio was the bald-headed stepchild of radio for decades because no one had FM receivers. Once FM popped up alongside AM on car radios, FM stations finally caught on, eventually pushing AM radio into obsolescence. A lesson no doubt everyone involved in this melodrama remembers all too well.

The idea of using bar-code technology with your hand-held communication device has been around for a while, but has only just now turned into an actual service of some kind. USA Today reports that Air France will start letting passengers travelling from Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris to Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam opt to receive their boarding passes as bar-code images or as text messages on their smartphones. Quite honestly, I don’t think this is such a great idea for airline boarding passes because of the ENORMOUS security risks it poses. Far better that this had been introduced as a service for something with a lot less inherent risk like movie tickets or supermarket deli waiting line numbers. It’s somewhat telling that Air France is only testing it on one route rather than their entire system, and I suspect that this will be slow to roll out, particularly with U.S. air carriers.

DSL Reports says that the number of consumers signing up for DSL service continues to free fall into nothingness. “DSL is the new dial-up” is the catchphrase du-jour in the broadband business as Verizon’s FiOS fiber-optical service has pushed cable companies to be more aggressive with their speed enhancements, leaving pokey ol’ DSL in the dust. According to that linked story, Verizon and AT&T together had a net LOSS of about 120,000 DSL customers in the second fiscal quarter. Anything that keeps the broadband market in the U.S. aiming toward the 100Mbps speed that’s standard in Korea and Japan is okay with me.

I’m not holding my breath, but this story from MuniWireless.com says that Boston is one of the cities where Sprint expects to rollout WiMax as municipal wireless service maybe even before the end of 2008. The rollout is underway right now in Baltimore, with over 1000 wireless access points in the city. Chicago and Washington DC are expected to be launched before the end of the year, and then the next tier of cities includes Philadelphia, Dallas, and The Hub Of The Universe itself. Seems they’ve figured out how to speed up the process of getting the WAPs out into the field so that they can place up to 25 per day, making the rollouts go much faster than originally projected.

The Unfriendly Skies

This has been the year of nickel-and-diming airline passengers to death by charging for in-flight amenities that used to be free. Everything from luggage to snacks to beverages. Anything to keep those CEO compensation packages sky-high, eh fellas?

The latest announcement comes from JetBlue, which will start charging $7.00 for a pillow and a blanket. As that story says, the company is trying to put an eco-friendly spin on it by saying it will encourage people to bring their own pillows and blankets and will cut down on spreading germs from shared use, but a fee is a fee.

Also on tap for JetBlue: a surcharge for non-crash landings!

For the time being, the folks from the Gestapo haven’t found too many ways to wring a few extra bucks out of your wallet…except of course for the extortion money that they allow this company to squeeze out of business travelers in exchange for not being hassled by a TSA goon at the security checkpoint. However, they have discovered a potentially lucrative sideline in seizing laptops without reason or cause and then selling them off (they haven’t tried selling them yet, but they will take them if they feel like it).

There are a couple of little victories for the average airline passenger, though. Check this out:

It’s called “paper shampoo”. It’s dried shampoo formed into thin sheets that reconstitute when you get them wet. No more 3-ounce bottles in clear plastic bags to threaten our American freedoms!

Similarly, male travelers might want to invest in one of these:

It’s a belt that does not have a metal buckle or any other metal on it, so you no longer have to try to walk through the metal detector holding up your pants with one hand and carrying your shoes in the other. That web vendor says that this belt is the largest-selling item they carry, so it seems like word is getting out.

I realize that air travel is an unavoidable part of doing business for millions of people in this country, and I do not expect either McCain or Obama to change a single thing about the clusterfuck that our air transportation system has turned into, so you have to take the small gains where you can find them.

UPDATE This just in: Authorites at San Francisco’s airport report that a laptop was stolen from the TSA and that the laptop contains the entire unencrypted database of all the personal information of 33,000 people who signed up for the aforementioned “Clear” extortion service. Poetic irony, is it not?

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE Now the self-same agency charged with protecting Our Beloved Homeland says that they found the laptop…in the same office where it was supposed to be all along! To beef up their efforts in the wake of this embarrassing incident, the TSA will now require ALL airline passengers to strip naked at the security checkpoint. It’s the only way they can ensure our safety.

Come Fly With Me

Airline pilot Patrick Smith, who is a regular contributor at Salon, also wrote this piece in the latest issue of Readers’ Digest (Huh! Who knew Readers’ Digest had a website. Go figure.) He starts off telling it like it is:

Before we take off, I would like to apologize on behalf of this and every airline for the hassle you just endured at the security checkpoint. As is patently obvious to any reasonable person, the humiliating shoe removals, liquids ban, and pointy-object confiscations do little to make us safer. Unfortunately, the government insists that security theater, and not actual security, is in the nation’s best interest. If it makes you feel any better, our crew had to endure the same screening as the passengers. Never mind that the baggage loaders, cleaners, caterers, and refuelers receive only occasional random screening. You can rest easy knowing that I do not have a pair of scissors or an oversize shampoo bottle anywhere in my carry-on luggage.

But then he turns it around and puts it into perspective:

I am well aware that airlines have become pariahs of the postindustrial economy. But it’s rarely acknowledged that despite recurrent fiscal crises, major staffing and technology problems, and constant criticism from the public, our carriers have managed to maintain a mostly reliable, affordable, and safe transportation system.

Erich Vieth at Dangerous Intersection isn’t so quick to let the TSA off the hook. Considering that they STILL try to justify such inane policies as the “no liquids” rule, they deserve it.

Must-Read Links

Link-dump in progess! Here are a bunch of things I’ve seen posted around the web over the last week or so that don’t really tie together in any particular way but are too worthwhile to miss. Take notes, you will be quizzed on this material later.

1. Former Dateline reporter John Hockenberry has left NBC and joined the MIT Media Lab as a professor. He has written this article for MIT’s Technology Review about his disillusionment with the content biases in the major news operations. Every place I’ve seen it linked, it has been described as “scathing”, but it also needs to be described as “disheartening” and, sadly, as “unsurprising”.

2. Science fiction writer and all-around genius guy Bruce Sterling gave his annual “State Of The World” Q&A on the community site “The Well” this week. Just the introductory post by forum moderator Jon Lebkowsky would be worth reading on its own for its summation of the “state of the world”, but Sterling has a lot to say about terrorism, the collapse of nation-states, the impending ecological holocaust, and a couple of other interesting tangents. The dialogue is not over — people are still posting questions and he is still responding — but what’s been posted already is excellent reading.

3. This just about made me blow a gasket yesterday: a judge in New Jersey has ordered an atheist couple to relinquish custody of their adopted daughter because they do not believe in God. His reasoning is that they are depriving the baby from “…the inestimable privilege of worshiping Almighty God in a manner agreeable to the dictates of his own conscience.” The couple and the ACLU have appealed the decision to the New Jersey Supreme Court. Very honestly, I am chilled to the bone by the title of the article — “Can Atheists Be Parents?” — let alone the actual court ruling. Has the Christian Right’s goal of turning this country into a theocratic authoritarian state succeeded to the extent that I need to fear that my child might be taken from me by an overzealous judge because my personal beliefs do not match someone’s prescribed belief in God?

4. Shamed by the news reports of the video of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination, the Pakistan government has backed off their earlier story about the cause of her death, but now there is the report that Bhutto had an appointment later that same day with Senator Patrick Leahy and Congressman Patrick Kennedy where she planned to deliver to them a copy of a report showing that the Musharraf government has been funneling American aid intended for “fighting terrorism” into efforts to rig the now-postponed January 8 election. In other words, she may have been about to give the American politicians the very smoking gun that killed her.

5. I think we’ve pretty clearly established the degree to which TSA airport security measures are nothing more than “security theater”, but just in case you still had any doubts, they should be wiped away once and for all by this blog post by Patrick Smith in last week’s NYT “Jetlagged”. Smith is a former airline pilot who also writes the “Ask The Pilot” column at Salon, and has plenty of first-hand experience with the “follies” of airport security.

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