Tag Beijing Olympics

Recommended Reading

We’ve got a holiday weekend coming up here in the U.S., so here are some longer articles I’ve read recently that might give you something to peruse if you get bored with raking leaves or watching football.

This anonymous post at N+1 is a first-hand account of an expat working for the Chinese propaganda ministry during the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The author spent those two weeks dutifully transcribing every official announcement into English and posting it on the China Internet Information Center website, but in addition to mechanically publishing the usual official blahblahblah, the author found herself constantly under watch for any sign of anti-China sentiment and was expected to similarly scrutinize everything that was said by others. It’s an interesting glimpse into how carefully the Chinese government tried to control every single bit of media that came out of Beijing during the Olympics.

“The Lonely Crowd”, by David Riesman, Nathan Glazer and Reuel Denney is one of a series of sociological tomes that appeared in the 1950s and 1960s detailing the seismic changes in American society after World War II as people moved out to the suburbs and community life changed from shared experiences of tight-knit groups to greater and greater insularity and isolation. The 60th anniversary of the publication of the book received this retrospective in the Chronicle of Higher Education last month.

I also enjoyed this Wall St. Journal review by film critic Todd McCarthy of a new biography of the film director Cecil B. DeMille called “Empire of Dreams” (by Scott Eyman). The review begins with an interesting little anecdote about an encounter between DeMille and a young Ayn Rand, looking for her first writing job in Hollywood. McCarthy praises Eyman’s book for humanizing a figure who was regarded as imposing and imperial by his contemporaries, and whose directorial authoritarianism was the very foundation of our stereotype of the screaming movie director with the beret and megaphone. I love a book review that makes me want to read the book, and this did just that.

Former Army career officer, current BU history professor, and outspoke war critic Andrew Bacevich wrote this long piece for the Huffington Post back in July evaluating what he says is the failure of the Western model of war as a political tool, which he uses to criticize right-wing historian Francis Fukuyama, who notoriously declared that “history was over” after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. He also compares the seemingly-unending conflicts between Israel and its neighbors to the equally fruitless military adventurism of the United States in Iraq and Afghanistan. Bacevich turns his lens on himself a little in this second HuffPo article which ran at the end of August, explaining how his own experiences stationed in Berlin in the 1960s shifted his whole appreciation of the world and America’s foreign policy from one of unquestioning orthodoxy to skepticism and critical inquiry. Both articles are drawn from his latest book “Washington Rules: America’s Path To Permanent War”.

ADDENDUMhere’s another column by Bacevich at HuffPo today reminding us that today marks the 9th anniversary of the Afghan War, and wondering when/how it might ever end.

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Linkapalooza – Media News

The more I use my iPod Touch, the more I am in love with it as the portable computer gizmo I have always wanted. At this point, I’d have to say I don’t feel the need to even think about looking at the increasing number of sub-notebooks and “netbooks” flooding the market. I might, however, step up to the bigger 32GB model that was recently introduced. There are only two things about it that really need to be addressed: the lack of ability to do cut-copy-paste operations, and the lack of a Flash plugin for the Safari browser. And it’s not just me; these are the two biggest complaints of just about every singly iPhone and iTouch user.

One looks like it’s about to be remedied: earlier this week Adobe announced that they had a Flash plugin all ready to go, just as soon as Apple would give its okay. There have been some valid technical reasons to hold off on allowing a Flash plugin, primarily the issue of memory resources, but there have also been some bogus (but typical) “you have to do things OUR way” foot-stamping fits of pique from Apple that were getting in the way. From the reports of the way Adobe casually mentioned the plugin, it seems likely that they’ve solved the memory issue, but not Apple’s stubborn approach to platform issues. Nevertheless, I think they’re likely to stop being petulant and let the plugin drop because Flash has become so used (indeed overused) as a primary website engine.

There’s no excuse for not having cut-copy-paste, though.

Oh, and could you Mozilla guys get off the stick and make some sort of Firefox browser for the iPhone. I realize Apple will NEVER allow a competing browser on the App Store, but we all know there are plenty of ways around that.

One of the coolest things about HDTV is how much dimensionality the higher-definition resolution brings to the images. Watching broadcast television on an HDTV, the difference between traditional NTSC and high-definition is stunning. It’s a crying shame that so much television programming continues to be shot in standard-def video even as more and more people are buying HDTV sets. Even with that increased dimensionality, though, there are still people who want nothing less than “real” 3D (which, of course, is pointless as long as you have a flat screen), and people are working on 3D imaging technology for HDTV monitors.

Engadget says that JVC Victor and the Japanese National Institute of Information and Communications Technology are working together to develop 3D imaging on a 72-inch display, and recently Philips demoed a 56-inch 3D display. Both systems work without the red-blue filter “glasses” that everybody remembers from old Hollywood 3D movies and those 3D posters you used to get in “Dynomite!” magazine. And that’s very good news for me personally; I have a big blind spot in the front of my left eye that makes it impossible for me to see 3D images using those red-blue glasses. There are other filter-based systems that do work for me (like these polarized filters), but they’ve always been far less common than the red-blue ones, and who wants to have to wear any kind of special glasses just to watch some television anyway?

Portable Peoplemeter

The Arbitron ratings service introduced little handheld versions of their infamous “people meters” earlier this year to be used for measuring radio audiences. It hasn’t been entirely welcome, especially from minority broadcasters, but it had a pretty successful test run last year and is now rolling out to all the major markets. Meanwhile, media mogul Mel Karmazin (and how do you like THAT alliteration?), who is the CEO of the newly-merged XM Sirius Satellite Radio, recently told AdAge that he wants to completely re-do the way radio ratings are collected and used so that his service can be included in the ratings…and, of course, to work in his favor in that regard. He’s not making a lot of headway, not the least because he admits he has “no idea” how to do that.

NBC pegged a lot of its hopes for raking in big bucks from the Beijing Olympics on its online offerings. People complained that the prime-time broadcast network coverage was too limited (and it was), but for people who watch video on their computers, laptops, and mobile phones the amount and scope of the coverage was practically limitless. You did, of course, have to pay for that content, and you did have to choke down Microsoft’s “Silverlight” media plugin, but after that you could watch all the fencing, synchronized swimming, and race walking you could stand. NewTeeVee.com reports that while 90% of the total viewership still came in via regular television, they managed 6.5 million viewers via WAP (mobile phones), 7.5 million on their primary website, and 6.7 million for video-on-demand (cable and Internet). In the end, though, NBC just barely made a profit on the Olympics — they spent around a billion dollars to cover the Olympics, and made just over a billion in profit. Heck, Michael Phelps can fart and make a billion dollars.

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Take Two Pair And Call Me In The Morning

Not only did America get to know Michael Phelps up close and personal during the Olympics, we also got our money’s worth of interviews, profiles, reaction shots, and tidbits about His Sainted Mother, Debbie.

A handful of the athletes who rose to stardom in Beijing are about to find themselves richer than their wildest dreams as they get signed to endorsement deal after endorsement deal. Michael Phelps himself is likely to pull down at least $100 million this year, according to one agent, but others are also poised to bring in big bucks (though you might not be so lucky if you’re from a small country unless your name is Usain Bolt).

Apparently, though, the reflected glow of Michael Phelps’ glory is bright enough to send a few shekels his mother’s way. The Huffington Post reports that Debbie Phelps has snagged a lucrative deal with clothing retailer Chico’s to promote a line of clothing for women-of-a-certain-age called (unoriginally enough) “The Debbie Phelps Collection”. Some of the merchandise is even helpfully annotated by Chico’s with the infotainment programs Debbie appeared on wearing those items. Hmmm…is “As Seen On ‘Access Hollywood’” really a selling point for middle-aged women?

A bit more controversially, though, The Holy Mother is also on board as an endorser for the ADHD drug Concerta. This post at Beacon Broadside by Chris Mercogliano, author of the book Teaching The Restless: One School’s Remarkable No-Ritalin Approach to Helping Children Learn and Succeed, reveals that Debbie Phelps has posted this article on an ADHD-focused Facebook page (PDF) sponsored by a pediatric pharmaceutical company, wherein she recommends “medication management”. The reason this is somewhat controversial is because during the Olympics she openly discussed her son’s own struggle with ADHD and his eventual refusal to take Ritalin, and her own description of the adverse effects Ritalin had on Michael as a pre-teen. Moreover, Debbie Phelps’ own career as a professional educator lends her a fair amount of credibility in endorsing an ADHD drug, far more than her status as a quasi-celebrity confers on a collection of women’s wear.

But, hey, a buck’s a buck, right?

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Olympic Fatigue

I officially OD’d on watching the Olympics last night. I think what put me over the top was the screaming hysterical voice used by the color commentator on the BMX final. For starters I’m still not really sure that BMX is really even a sport for anyone over the age of 13 (you know, like women’s gymnastics), and secondly that sort of feverish shrieking is better left for the genuine highlight moments which these games have actually had.

As a heterosexual male, I didn’t think I would ever get to this point, but, if I never see Kerri Walsh’s ass again, it will be too soon. Yes, those lingering closeups of her perfectly-toned, sun-bronzed buttocks, her body bent over in anticipation, her little white bikini bottom teasingly tucked into the sand-dusted cleft of her cheeks, and her fingerings flashing suggestively to her partner finally got me to the brink of not giving a good goddamn. Oh, and at the next Olympics I think it would only be fair if the MEN’s beach volleyball team played wearing only jockstraps while the women’s team get to wear muu-muus or burqas or moderately-priced casual wear from Sears.

NBC was so intent on showing every last second of women’s beach volleyball that somehow they missed THIS event. I’m not even sure what it is, but it looks like the Chinese team dominates it anyway. I’ll bet it would have scored BIG ratings, too.

The transformation of Beijing as seen in all the interstitial footage between women’s beach volleyball games is nothing less than astonishing. The most amazing part of China’s transformation is that all the electrical power consumed in China is generated from the supersonic speed at which the corpse of Mao Tse-Tung spins in his grave. Of course, in the process of making Beijing look like Los Angeles, the Chinese government has had to scrimp on a few road projects in the countryside, as evidenced by the photo above. I also found this photo fairly telling:

And in all those human-interest segments where the assorted NBC personnel were treated to the oddities of authentic Chinese cuisine, they managed to miss this trendy boite:

(I hasten to note that “cow something” was not included on that Foodie’s 100 List the other day, but if it had been I most certainly would have crossed it out)

Not to knock Usain Bolt’s amazing wins in the 100m and 200m sprints, but do you think NBC would have paid him nearly as much attention if Tyson Gay (oops, I mean Tyson Homosexual) hadn’t scratched? Of course, NBC doesn’t really need to promote Usain Bolt, because he seems to be doing a fine job of it himself (although the IOC isn’t too happy about that)

So I’m going to try to stay away from the TV tonight and tomorrow to save up whatever remaining enthusiasm I have for the Closing Ceremonies. The closing is never as big a deal as the opening, but even still they are going to be extremely hard pressed to do anything that will live up to the impossibly high standards set by the Opening Ceremonies. In fact, I hear that the London Olympic Organizing Committee has decided that they’re just going to show a videtape of the Beijing ceremonies and be done with it rather than try to come up with something on their own. Meanwhile, during the late night hours after the track and field competitions are over each day, they’ve been rehearsing the Closing Ceremonies in the Bird’s Nest:

Zhang Yimou wasn’t available to do both ceremonies, so Bill Gates volunteered to head up the show, which will culminate in Jerry Seinfeld extinguishing the Olympic Torch while a computer running Windows Vista blue-screens in front of 90,000 spectators.

Oh, and just for good measure, here’s one more picture of Kerri Walsh’s ass, Misty May-Treanor’s ass, and the Official Ass Of The United States of America.

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10 Things You Need To Know About Michael Phelps

By now I’ll bet you’re thinking there isn’t the slightest factoid that you haven’t heard Bob Costas, Rowdy Gaines, Matt Lauer or Brian Williams tell you at least several hundred times about Michael Phelps.

Well, you’re wrong. Here are just a few fascinating, 100% TRUE facts about The Greatest Human Being Who Ever Lived, Michael Phelps:

  1. Michael Phelps can talk to bison. In fact, his name in Lakota Sioux is “Swims Like A Fish, Talks Like A Bison”
  2. Angelina Jolie has agreed to bear 14 children for Michael Phelps (one for each gold medal) to begin breeding a race of super-strong, pouty-lipped uberhumans. Unlike Brad Pitt, Phelps will actually get to have sex with Angie.
  3. Michael Phelps single-handedly saved the entire winter wheat crop in Canada in 1925, 60 years before he was even born! A life-sized statue of Phelps made entirely of wheat chaff stands proudly in the center of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan to commemorate the event. The statue was erected in 1929, so for years the locals in Saskatoon had no idea who or what the statue was about and just assumed it was some hockey player who had gone east to make his fortune. Only after the 2004 Athens Olympics did anyone in Saskatoon know why they had the statue.
  4. The United States Coast Guard has replaced all of its lighthouse fog horns with amplified recordings of the yell Michael Phelps let loose after the U.S. team won the 4x100m IM relay. Oceanologists report that the electric eel population in the Atlantic Ocean seems to be increasing since the new recordings began sounding.
  5. The only endorsement deal Michael Phelps has signed so far is with Playtex Natural-Shaped Applicator Tampons. He refuses to comment or to sign other deals.
  6. Every athlete living in the Beijing Olympic Village has received a six-pack of Hawaiian Punch and a package of Dolly Madison Zingers courtesy of Michael Phelps.
  7. Michael Phelps’ body does not actually exist in the same time-space continuum as the rest of us. He is really seven minutes and twenty-two seconds in the future and approximately nineteen feet southwest of where he appears to be.
  8. Michael Phelps rejected an offer from the super-secret government agency that is responsible for all the superheroes in the United States, and reportedly even said no when they offered to throw in a no-strings-attached one-nighter with Jessica Simpson (who is also known as “ElectroGirl”). When the Chinese government learned about this from their own secret agent planted deep inside the U.S. government (recently revealed to be Senator John McCain), they countered the offer with a lifetime supply of cheaply-made plastic kitchen utensils and a pair of Ralph Lauren loafer knock-offs. No word what Phelps’ response was to that counter-offer.
  9. When Michael Phelps sings, windows as far as 75 miles away begin to ring with the resonant harmony. One woman in Englewood, CO claims that her dog can also hear it and begins to sing along.
  10. Baskin-Robbins has announced that they will change all 31 flavors of their ice cream to the new “Michael Phelps” flavor. It tastes like a mixture of chlorine, Gatorade, and awesome.
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The Michael Phelps Olympics, Presented By The Michael Phelps Network, Starring Michael Phelps

So far the Olympics have been worth watching, BUT if the dorkwads on NBC say the words “Michael Phelps” ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I am going to catch the very next plane to Beijing and stab Bob Costas in the chest with a javelin once for each one of those record-setting eight Olympic gold medals. Also, they had DAMN WELL better get some new commercials in rotation for the second week. If I have to listen to Morgan Freeman tell me about the spirit of the Olympics or sit through that pointless Audi commercial over and over again for another week, I will carry out the same malice against whatever moron sold hundreds of hours of spots to the same four advertisers.

Is it me, or did George Bush look basically stoned off his ass every time they showed him at some Olympic venue, especially all those photos of him checking out Kerri Walsh’s ass.

Lastly, and I am sure I am not the only one to formulated this opinion, that “Kath & Kim” show is going to suck and will not last more than four episodes. Running promos every hour is not going to make it the least bit better.

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Olympic Cuisine

The Chinese goverment has officially banned selling dog meat in Beijing eateries during the Olympic Games to avoid offending Western sensibilities. They did the same thing in Seoul back in 1988, although I don’t recall anyone banning steak and hamburgers to avoid offending Hindu sensibilities or pork to avoid offending Muslim and Jewish sensibilities, so I don’t know why the Chinese can’t enjoy dog meat if that’s part of their regular diet. More adventuresome tourists might even want to give it a try. I know I would.

But I draw the line at hot crap no matter how good it smells.

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New Olympic Events For 2008

The Beijing Olympics officially begin this week, and among the new sports being added to the calendar of events is the 300-meter Olympic Ass-Hauling event. Here we have a photo of the Chinese Army’s best ass-hauler training for the Games in the distant Fukien Province. The American team was disqualified before the games when it was revealed that they planned to use George W. Bush as the ass, but professionals are still banned from the sport.

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Linkapalooza – News

From The “Not Until You Drive A Stake Through Her Heart” Department — There’s a brouhahah a brewin’ in the U.K. over whether or not Margaret Thatcher should receive a full-blown state funeral. This online poll by the Manchester Guardian suggests that most Britons are against the idea, but that hasn’t stopped the rumor (pardon me, rumour) mill in the tabloid press. The story has been making the go-rounds for a long time, as this 2006 denial from Tony Blair’s office shows, but apparently current PM Gordon Brown has had a change of mind and the funeral is back on. This editorial at UK news blog “The First Post”, by a fellow with the dreadfully-Wodehousian name of Peregrine Worsthorne, seems to think it’s a smashing idea, old chap. Of course, first she has to drop dead, which she presently shows no sign of doing.

From The “But NOW What Do We Freak Out About?” Department — I hope you didn’t throw away your overpriced Nalgene water bottles a while back when the media turned on the Panic Alarm over a nebulous remark about Bisphenol-A in a Canadian medical report. ‘Cuz here’s a newer study that rather strongly concludes that BPA is utterly harmless in the extremely low concentrations people are likely to ingest by using plastic water bottles. I see from that first link that Nalgene wasted no time getting rid of BPA in their plastic the minute the Panic Alarm was sounded, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to buy a new one if you’ve got a perfectly good one already.

From The “I’m Just A Gigolo” DepartmentWell lookee who’s one of the corporate sponsors of this year’s Democratic National Convention! Of course, the Obama campaign swears up and down that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with his lily-livered, back-stabbin’, chicken-shit decision to vote for the FISA bill with telecom immunity built in. If you say so, fellas. The Republican convention, which is scheduled to be held in the men’s room of Concourse A at the Minneapolis Airport, is being sponsored by KY Personal Lubricant. Maybe they’ll loan you some.

From The “A Smile Is Just A Frown Turned Upside Down” Department — Even the Bushies have to admit that the economy is well and truly fucked at this point. Witness Dubya’s change of heart about signing the mortgage relief bill today. One way you can tell that the conservatives have finally owned up to their mistakes is by those head shots that look like engravings that appear in the Wall Street Journal. According to Columbia Journalism Review and Conde Nast Portfolio, the pictures (which use a technique called “stippling”) of various financial prognosticators and doomed Bush officials have been redone to express gloomier sentiments, as you can see by the pictures of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson above. Of course, these guys have tons of money safely stockpiled in gold bullion somewhere, so it’s not like they’re feeling the pinch, they just want us to know they’re taking it seriously.

From The “Better Luck Next Time” Department — You will recall the story about South African runner Oscar Pistorius, who won the right to try out for his Olympic track team despite being a double amputee. The argument that had been made against him was that his prosthetics gave him an unfair advantage over normally-abled runners. I guess they didn’t help him enough, because he did not qualify for the team. I don’t know if he still has time to try a favorite trick of past Olympians and claim some other nationality in order to weasel his way onto a different team, or if he’ll just have to wait until 2012.

And lastly, from our “So You Think You’re So Damn Smart?” Department — Here’s a little quiz from the Pew Center for Research that lets you see how well you measure up to your fellow Americans on news awareness. Twelve questions, pretty much all softballs, and all multiple choice to boot. See if you have been paying attention to the news lately. I got a perfect 12, putting me in the 97th percentile. The median score is an unbelivably depressing 50th percentile.

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Things You Probably Don’t Want To Know…

…But I Am Going To Tell You Anyway

In New York State, as of April 21, 2008, all chain restaurants have to list the caloric value of everything on their menu. (via) So 1 donut = 17% of your total recommended caloric intake for the whole fucking day. If that isn’t the most depressint thing I’ve read in a long time, I don’t know what is. Well, except the infographic on that Gothamist story, which will make you burst into tears, I guarantee.

In somewhat related news, did you know that Burger King has a “gold card”? Oh, yes, they do! THe only good thing that I can say about this is that Burger King apparently only gives them to celebrities and that there are only about a dozen of them who actually have one, including Jay Leno, Robert Downey Jr. (in an attempt to win him back after his story about how a disgusting BK burger scared him off drugs forever), and Hugh Laurie, who wheedled his way into getting one by complaining about it to a gossip mag. Still…a fucking GOLD CARD?!?!?!

Demonstrating that they learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING from the “Terror Alert Color Code System”, the TSA has rolled out this approach to making sure your airport security experience is as frustrating and infuriating as possible. You can basically choose between being strip-searched and anally probed as a “Black Diamond Traveler” so that you can get to your overpriced, undersized airplane seat 30 seconds faster, standing in line with every dumbfuck who can’t understand why they won’t let them take their machete on the plane AND has a 3.5 ounce bottle of shampoo in their carry-on bag, OR waiting forever with the packs of screeching babies and overwhelmed parents who bring everything in their house to the airport.

Also, now the TSA has decided that if you refuse to show identification, they will not let you on the plane. But…if you tell them you merely forgot your identification, you can get on. Whoa! That ought to confuse the bejeebus out of those danged terrorists! I feel safer already!

I’m sorry, but wouldn’t it be much simpler to just close every airport in the United States and put us all out of this misery once and for all?

And here’s a way to make sure that you alienate all those hip young Internet-addicted people you’re dying to turn into paying customers: NBC has decided that their online streaming coverage of the summer Olympics will only work with Windows Vista. That’s the 2008 equivalent of releasing your hot new movie exclusively in BetaMax. So much for all those people with their too-hot-to-handle portable gadgets ponying up the bucks for your premium service, NBC. Well done!

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