Tag Charlotte

ALIVE!! It’s ALIVE!! Oh, Wait…

By Brian Filed in Life Tagged with Charlotte, Life June 30th, 2010 @ 11:56 am

I’ve been trying to kill a goldfish for the last six months.

You see, once upon a time, Charlotte wanted a goldfish, and we bought your garden-variety golden fantail type 89-cent goldfish at the pet shop, put him in a little fishbowl, and set it on the mantle. And he (or she, who can tell) lived like that for a while until I read some online screed about how keeping goldfish in fishbowls was cruel and unusual punishment and he really should be in a proper aquarium with a bubbler and brightly-colored gravel and some bit of sculpture and all that, plus another fish to give him someone to talk to. So, filled with guilt, I bought all that stuff. Then, as it must happen to all living things, the goldfish died and we went through a phase of several successors in the aquarium, none of whom lasted very long.

After this Parade of Piscicide, the population of said aquarium stabilized with the acquisition of a black pop-eyed fantail we named Eye-gor and a tri-colored one we called Patches. And so they lived happily ever after, despite near total neglect from us, until Patches could stand it no more and shuffled off his mortal coil right around Christmas last year. Since whatever interest Charlotte ever had in owning a goldfish had evaporated like the water in the aquarium a long, long, long time ago, and since neither Bridget nor I really had much interest in the care and maintenance of the fish tank, I decided that I would let Eye-gor go the way of all things, too.

Except Eye-gor decided otherwise and hung on against all odds ever since, despite an ever-dwindling amount of water in his tank and having to subsist on whatever bits of fish food detritus remained in the bottom of it. For six months, I have looked at that tank every day hoping to see his little black fins floating at the top of the puddle-like bit of water, and have been greeted with his swimming about as though nothing was going on.

So this week we finally relented. Any fish that could last that long, by gum, was a survivor of the first degree and deserved to live. We refilled the tank, detoxed the water, replaced the filter, and surrendered to the Amazing Eye-gor, The Invincible Fish. He swam around like a man freed from solitary confinement, exploring his refilled home as if for the first time. Humbled, Bridget and I agreed we would give Eye-gor the respect he clearly deserved.

Yesterday morning, Charlotte decided that since Eye-gor had not been fed for so long that it would be a good idea to dump the entire contents of a container of fish food into the tank. And now he is dead. Killed not by neglect but by kindness. Sic transit gloria mundi.

Apparently fish are harder to kill than I thought. Check out this creepy video:

Did I mention we’re getting a new kitten this weekend?

Halfway

By Brian Filed in Life Tagged with Charlotte, Life, ninth birthday May 21st, 2010 @ 11:29 am

She is nine today. And the world is no longer about princesses and teddy bears but 504 plans and assessments and cognitive behavioral therapy. The liminal boundary between magic and reality comes into focus so hard that it punches you in the solar plexus and leaves you gasping for breath. And she is only nine.

I worry for her now in a way that I never did before. Her bright and strong self has found its counterpart of doubt and vulnerability, and the unforgiving world crouches like a lion in the grass, watching and waiting for it’s opportunity to strike. Her ability to yet prevail is there, but the lion is patient and even more confident than she. And I, so utterly powerless against it myself, can only watch and hope my cry of alarm is loud enough when the moment comes.

For me, it has always been a perilous thing. Nine years ago it was a vast and foreign landscape, and I did not know how or even if I could navigate through it. We managed to step through it, sometimes sweetly and carelessly, other times at great cost. We found succor in the very ordinariness of things as well as the occasional delights, but learned that each peril endured gave way to another. Now, the map of that landscape is much more detailed; we know there will be danger ahead, but that knowledge offers little preparation, only hesitation and uncertainty.

She knows this, too. The world, miraculous and vast, unveils itself before her and invites her to imagine anything. She does just that, but with equal parts joy and apprehension. When the world is so unknown, everything is a wonder. When you begin to comprehend it, then the realization that it is also filled with terror, colors everything you see. It takes time, sometimes a lifetime, to appreciate how to move forward. Nine years is just a blinking glance, but enough for her to know that there is much to understand.

She has been described to me by others as “a leader” and though I consider hope a singular weakness, I find myself wanting that hope. Leaders are not awarded any better degree of insight into what lies ahead than anyone else, but they are less encumbered by the fear of the unknown and more willing to trust in themselves. Those elements of her personality have been tested but not yet proved, but the proof will be had before long. The lion will see to it.

For now, we continue the journey together. My path and hers have been the same these nine years, but I know they will start to diverge soon. I might try to stay beside her, but I can’t prevent the inevitable. I don’t know if anything I’ve said or done will ever be of use, but they are the only real gifts any parent can give a child, and she will have to find the value or lack thereof in each in her own way. At nine, they are mainly indecipherable clues, carried as much out of indifference as appreciation. For now I have to find my own ability to trust that she will make her way with or without me, and that she will make her way through that terra incognita looming ahead.

Shameless Kitten Post Of The Day

By Brian Filed in Life Tagged with Charlotte, kitties, Life May 3rd, 2010 @ 11:04 am

The topic of a new kitten has dipped below the radar in our household, but that’s not to say anyone has given up on the idea…at least not those of us who are pro-kitten. I’m actually a little undecided myself as to whether we should do it sooner or later; Harry doesn’t seem to mind being The Only Cat one bit, and there are so many other variables in play with school and activities that a kitten might be too distracting for Charlotte at a time where we are trying to get her to focus more.

And then I read this blog post from Tim Hogan at Dangerous Intersection, which makes me want to go to an animal shelter right this effing minute!

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade

By Brian Filed in Life Tagged with charity, Charlotte, Haiti, Life January 20th, 2010 @ 1:51 pm

Rush Limbaugh notwithstanding, it seems like everybody has been motivated to do something to try to help the people of Haiti. Early last week, Charlotte’s teacher sent an e-mail to all of the parents of her class to let us know that they would be running a lemonade stand to solicit donations for Haitian relief efforts from their classmates; parents were asked to contribute items they would need, such as cups, juicers and a huge amount of fresh lemons, and, if possible, to sign up to help out on the day of the event. We signed up to provide the cups, and I volunteered to go in and help out.

Charlotte’s school is grades one through three, with a total of somewhere around 350 kids, so the actual amount of funds to be raised from this would only be modest, but the entire school district had done a separate fundraiser which collected a couple thousand dollars on top of this event’s proceeds. It speaks well of a town that is mostly white, lower-middle class and prime Scott Brown country that the schools felt that they could ask for and receive the kind of support they’ve gotten.

Today was the big day, and I arrived at the school just as Charlotte’s class were being led through the hall (quietly and single-file, of course) to gather up the several hundred lemons, gallon jugs of water, five-pound bags of sugar, and whatever else needed to be taken to the cafeteria. I and another dad, along with the teacher’s husband (who, not coincidentally, is Haitian) got the tables in place and plugged in the half-dozen or so electric juicers. I passed out lemons to the kids and showed them how to roll them to make them easier to juice. The moms on hand helped with slicing lemons and supervising the kids on the juicers. Every kid got at least a brief turn doing each part of the process, except for the two boys who declared themselves the “Ice Patrol” and took it upon themselves to make sure every container of lemonade was adequately supplied with ice cubes. Though Charlotte wanted my direct attention a few times, for the most part she stuck to her assigned jobs and interacted with her classmates. It was fun to watch her be one of the kids rather than be part of a performance or other staged event where she gets to be the deliberate center of attention.

I think the actual task was a little bit bigger than the teacher had imagined when she came up with the idea, but the kids were exceedingly well-behaved and did whatever was asked of them. As the momentum of things shifted from one task to another, I tried to run interference and do whatever seemed to need to be done: showing the kids how to stir the bottoms of the containers to dissolve all the sugar, ferrying completed containers to the “Ice Patrol” to keep them working steadily, clearing away the emptied water jugs, and so on. Our hour and a half sped by, and the kids were rewarded with a cup of their lemonade; as you can imagine, some batches were unbearably sweet, others impossibly tart, some just watery. The kids mostly drank their cups, though some only took a sip or two. The kids were then seated for an early lunch so they could spend their regular lunch period selling the lemonade, and the adults handled cleanup and pre-pouring the lemonade for service. A second shift of parents had volunteered for the lunch hour selling, and they began to drift in just as we finished and the rest of the school kids were starting to line up for the caf.

I’m pleased and proud of Charlotte and her classmates for their willingness to make a real contribution to helping people who have suffered an unimaginable tragedy. Sunday evening we watched the “60 Minutes” segment about Haiti, and Charlotte got to see the footage of the piles of dead bodies being loaded with a back-hoe into a dump truck for mass burial, and I think it took her aback a little bit. I hope this taught her that being willing to offer even a little help can be worthwhile.

Happy Apocalypse, Dear Charlotte

By Brian Filed in Life, Links Tagged with 2011, 2012, Apocalypse, Charlotte, Christian wackos, The Rapture January 4th, 2010 @ 11:17 am

I think by now we’ve all had about enough of the “End Of The World”. That “2012″ movie that came out in November has only grossed about $163 million domestically against an estimated production budget of $200 million (although the overseas receipts have more than made up the difference). Astronomy blogger Phil Plait has been telling us for two years that the whole thing about the Mayan Calendar is just a load of hooey. Even the SNL spoof of the 2012 trailer which ties the end of the world to the election of the Palin/Beck “Dream Ticket” has managed to evaporate from most corners of the web (pulled from YouTube, not available on Hulu, etc.).

And do you know why??? It’s because the REAL “End Of The World” is coming MUCH SOONER! In fact, the Last Day is now firmly set for May 21, 2011. And who has given us this knowledge of the Day Of Reckoning? Why THIS GUY, that’s who! And he should know, because he’s the same guy who ~~correctly~~ predicted the End of Days back in 1994! He’s even got it right on the front page of his website, so it MUST BE TRUE! Camping says its all based on a complex mathematical formula explained thusly in the SFGate article:

The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.

“Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.

Well, how could you refute such ironclad logic and big numbers and stuff? Any fool can see that the number 722,500 spells The Rapture! And that whole 1994 fiasco? Just some bad math. This time for sure.

May 21, 2011 also happens to be my daughter Charlotte’s tenth birthday, so I guess I won’t have to send out invitations to all those True Believers who are going to be Raptured up to Jesus that day. That’ll save a lot of money on birthday cake and goodie bags to be sure. Any possible metaphorical connection between my daughter turning 10 and the Apocalypse is completely coincidental.

Behind The Curve

By Brian Filed in Life, Links, Tech Tagged with cell phones, Charlotte, children's use of technology November 4th, 2009 @ 1:53 pm

Back when Charlotte first started kindergarten several years ago, I wondered aloud in the old BKO Lounge if we should get her a cell phone. At the time, a phone called Firefly, had just appeared on the market. The phones had limited functionality — some pre-programmable buttons to dial just a couple of phone numbers — which seemed to me to be about the right speed for small children who really only need to be able to get in touch with Mom and Dad. The denizens of the Lounge dissuaded me of the idea. Kindergarten kids these days are rarely out of the sight of a supervising adult who can call in an emergency, and the argument was also made that it might foster a bit too much clinginess if a child could call his or her parents at any time. I was persuaded and decided that we’d revisit the idea of a cellphone when Charlotte was older.

Well, she’s older. And the world is a very different place than it was four years ago. This Fast Company blog post says that 20% of American 8-year-olds now have cell phones, and that the percentage rockets to 50% by age 10. By age 12, nearly 80% of American children have their own cell phones. And, the research says, they use more of the feature set of contemporary smartphones: children are more likely to make use of the built-in cameras, play the games, use the MP3 player functionality, and, of course, text messaging. This article from the Boston Globe’s Sunday magazine even looks at the idea that children as young as 3 can have developmental benefits from playing with the iPhone. According to that article, the “Educational” category of iPhone apps on iTunes is becoming a repository of all sorts of games and activities for smaller children.

For quite some time, whenever the discussion of “When can I have a cell phone, Daddy?” has come up with Charlotte, my default answer has been “When you’re twelve”. That answer comes from the assumption that she wouldn’t be independent enough to have a legitimate need for a cellphone any sooner than that. However, we’ve definitely crossed a threshold this year where there are some activities and events that are “drop-offs”: birthday parties are now decidedly “no parents” unless the inviting parent specifically asks you to stay. Ditto for both of the Halloween parties Charlotte went to last week. Her dance lessons have become a drop-off as well. In all these cases, we’re comfortable with the situation because of the presence of responsible adults, but it represents the beginning of a change that will only continue to increase, with a corresponding decrease in the presence of adults.

The FC post is based on this post from A.C. Nielsen, which actually did the study. As one might expect from a Nielsen study, the results are framed for their target audience, the people who buy and sell advertising in the media, so much of what they have to say is about the “new opportunities” created by handing a new advertising medium over to an easily-persuaded consumer, but one area that I think needs to be looked at is the section where they note what a terrible job parents do in terms of restricting usage and setting limitations for cell phone use. All those stories of children racking up massive overtime charges don’t come out of nowhere. Nielsen says that more than half of parents who give their kids cell phones NEVER use the built-in parental controls, and even among those parents who DO use the controls the percentages of people using things like time-of-day limits, download restrictions, and allocating minutes hover in the 20% range.

When I think about giving Charlotte a cell phone and the possible implications of that, I look to her computer usage as a reference to guess what her phone use profile might be like. She’s discovered sites like Webkinz and Club Penguin and likes to use them, but the idea that they represent a place where she can communicate with other people seems a little bit lost on her. Even though these sites are intended to be social networking, for her they are places to play solo games, not to chat with other kids. Eight-year-olds haven’t quite figured out that part where they self-organize into cliques, and her only-child status has acted on her in a way that she can be quite removed from bonding with other kids. So it’s possible, I think, that giving her a phone without all the bells and whistles of the latest generation of smartphones could work for its intended use. Still, I’m feeling like 10 is probably closer to the point of no return than either 8 or 12.

Random Acts Of Blogging

By Brian Filed in Links, Misc Tagged with bad names, Charlotte, diabetes, duh, Jolt Cola, testosterone, tiny penis, Wendy's October 30th, 2009 @ 11:36 am

More miscellaneous links that I’ve been collecting but don’t really justify getting the full post treatment:

Jolt Cola is probably going out of business. They tried to cash in on the “energy drink” fad, but that didn’t work out and now the company is bankrupt. It’s possible that some other beverage company might still buy out the trademark and produce its own “Jolt” product, but for now it’s a goner.

This Daily Mail article reports on a poll of teachers in the U.K.. The teachers were asked to rank first names as a predictor of whether or not a child would be a well-behaved or badly-behaved pupil. Number Two on the list of “Well-Behaved Girls”: Charlotte. Ahem.

From the Canadian Ministry of “Duh!”: Men buy fast cars to boost their testosterone levels. The related study about the inverse ratio of pickup-truck-size to penis-size is expected soon, but I think you can probably guess at the results.