As Seen On The Internet: the fellows at Evil Mad Scientist.com have developed a recipe for making a simulacrum of the infamous Whizzo Chocolate Company’s “Crunchy Frog” confection.
Fortunately, this concoction (actual photo above) is made with gummi frogs, chocolate, and Pop Rocks (for that authentic bony crunch). I suppose short of using crunchy raw unboned real dead frogs, this is about as close as you’re going to get.
Okay, stop panting over the idea of chocolate-covered lard for a second and pay attention.
Apparently, these advertising posters have been popping up all over subway stations in Russia. They appear to be promoting “American Lard” in both plain and chocolate-covered varieties. Sounds delicious so far, right? Well, maybe if you’re Russian, I guess. But in point of fact, according to this independent Russian news blog (mercifully written in fluent English by an American living in Moscow), it’s some cockamamie propaganda stunt by a leftist-nationalist political party called “A Just Russia” to convince average Russians that Americans have undue influence over political affairs…wait for it…in Ukraine. The posters are supposed to make Russians aware of how shitty American food is, which will make them hate Americans all the way around, and thus make them angry about American meddling in Ukrainian politics. Now, why Russians would care about Ukrainian politics is a whole ‘nother can of chocolate-covered lard, but I guess they might be interested on some level.
The posters are only Stage 1 in this propaganda war. Next, the party is planning to extend the campaign into the Ukrainian media (which seems an awful lot like meddling to me, just sayin’) and might even make actual cans of chocolate-covered lard to give away to unsuspecting Ukrainian voters.
But, I gotta tell ya, there’s a strong chance of backlash here, once those poor, hungry Ukrainian bastards taste the sweet, sweet goodness of pork fat enrobed in luscious dark chocolate. Few can resist its seductive allure, and from there it is a short step to deep fried pork rinds, and straight on to hardcore bacon addiction. Even Stalin loved his morning bacon, comrades.
Can you tell which candy bar is which just by looking at the unwrapped, unbroken bar? Some of them are pretty easy to pick out due to a distinctive shape or design, but some of them just look like doody. Here’s a photographic quiz via Mental Floss for you to see if you know your Snickers from your Almond Joy.
I had a perfect score, although I did take advantage of the ability to go back and correct a couple of answers before I hit the “Submit” button.
If you’ll recall, last year there was a fairly well-publicized effort to try to convince the FDA not to allow chocolate makers to change their chocolate formulas to substitute vegetable oils for cocoa butter. Several chocolate companies like E. Guittard publicly denounced the FDA’s plan, and declared that they would continue to use cocoa butter. In fact, M&M-Mars even reversed their stance in the face of the public complaints and vowed to keep using cocoa butter.
In the end, the FDA bowed to the pressure of the public, and did not approve the change. Nevertheless, the Hershey company switched from the more expensive cocoa butter to much cheaper oils such as palm, sunflower and safflower in several of their candy bars, including Mr. Goodbar, Take 5, Kissables, and Whatchamacallit. This ABC News article includes quotes from Cybele May, our favorite candy blogger, who also appeared on the Today Show this morning to talk about the changed chocolate. Hershey’s got around the FDA by revising their labelling to remove the words “milk chocolate” and replace them with the more vague “chocolate candy”. They were smart enough not to screw around with the original Hershey Bar and some of the other products they make, but since we all know Capitalism Destroys Everything, it will probably be only a matter of time.
There was a lot of talk about a boycott when this was a hot topic last year, but I think it’s time to hit them where it hurts, especially right now in the face of an economic downturn. Make ‘em pay for ruining their chocolate. I am officially Hershey-Free as of right now until I see some action.
Several months ago, I posted about the controversy over the possibility of the FDA allowing chocolate manufacturers to replace cocoa butter and milk solids with other cheaper ingredients. In fact, the story got a lot of attention, especially among food bloggers, and the FDA eventually received thousands of comments from people opposed to this regulatory change.
Blogging from the annual All Candy Expo in Chicago, candy blogger Cybele May says that the FDA will probably reject the request based on the public response. Meanwhile, Bob Sassone at Slashfood reports that Mars, Inc. has publicly stated that they intend to continue to use their original 100% cocoa butter formula. That’s a change in position for Mars, which had previously supported the switch to vegetable oils, and is obviously a reaction to the public response.
Chalk one up for the good guys.
For my money, the absolute best chocolate bar in the entire world is the Ritter Sport Rum-Raisin-Hazelnut bar. It’s like a Chunky for grownups. They don’t put as much rum in it as they used to — I swear you could get a little tipsy eating an entire bar back then — but it’s still tops with me.
Now, Cybele at Candy Blog tells us that Ritter makes minis! Unfortunately, rum-raisin-hazelnut is not one of the varieties. The Ritter website says the choices are “Crispy Biscuit” (my least favorite Ritter bar, I think), Hazelnut, “Crispy Flake” (crunchy corn flakes…hmmmm…), Marzipan (also not a favorite of mine), Whole Milk Chocolate, Nougat, and Yogurt-Filled. However, Cybele’s post has completely different flavors: coconut creme, caramel, crispy rice, tiramisu, and capuccion & amaretti.
Though you occasionally might find Ritter bars in unexpected places, my experience is that you only find them in gourmet food shops, import stores, and other places that cater to high-end food, so you might not have an easy time finding them, but they’re definitely worth seeking out. I know I’ll be looking for the minis now.
You’ll recall that there’s a move by the big candy manufacturers to pressure the FDA to allow them to use vegetable fat instead of actual cocoa butter in the production of chocolate.
Last week, blogger Cybele May, who writes CandyBlog (one of my regular reads these days), appeared on Boston NPR station WBUR’s midday program “Here and Now” to talk about this issue, going head-to-head with a mouthpiece for the Grocery Manufacturers’ Association (here’s the link to that show).
Even though some people disagree, the general consensus is that American-made chocolate is already a poor substitute for the chocolate made in the U.K., which must abide by EU regulations on the amount of cocoa solids in the chocolate. When the big U.S. candy makers make this switch (and is there anyone who doubts that they won’t get their way on this?), every chocolate bar you can think of is going to taste like that nasty-ass candy you get in Christmas stockings and Easter baskets — waxy, too sugary, and greasy. Bleah.
Sadly, as that NYT link says, most “British” chocolate sold in the U.S. is not imported, it’s made in the U.S. by American candy makers under license from the original companies. So it ends up not any better than the American brands (Myself, I think the Serious Eats guy was taste-testing these non-imported candy bars, since “real” Cadbury chocolate is far better than anything made in the U.S.).
(Meanwhile, in Switzerland, where they still make chocolate the right way, the police give out chocolates as rewards for good driving behavior! No risk of that happening anytime soon in this country.
The E. Guittard Chocolate company is one of the premier manufacturers of chocolate in the United States, with products that compare to such famous chocolate makers as Callebaut and Valrhona.
Now they’re trying to organize opposition to a pending FDA rule change that would let American chocolate makers substitute vegetable oil for cocoa butter and “milk substitutes” in place of real milk in their production of milk chocolate. Some confectioners already use these substitutes, but can’t call their products real chocolate; they have to call their products “chocolate-flavored” or “chocolatey”. I guarantee that if you indulged recently in some Easter candy, you ate some of this inferior stuff.
As it is, the American standard for chocolate is already significantly less stringent than the EU standard, which accounts for the general superiority of European chocolates. In bowing to pressure from chocolate manufacturers other than Guittard, the FDA is giving license to the production of a truly terrible product and encouraging the downgrading of all chocolate — the big commercial makers will quickly switch over to these formulas because of the cost savings.
Capitalism, my friends, eventually ruins everything in the name of profit. But perhaps we can forestall this very unfortunate action before it ruins the Best Thing On Earth.
A Treatise on Tobacco, Tea, Coffee and Chocolate
A fine document from the year 1756 considering the effects, both beneficial and deleterious from these stimulants, which were as popular then as they are now. (via bifurcated rivets)
Of course, in 1756, there were no public health killjoys running around trying to legislate away whole categories of food or forbidding gourmet goodies in the name of political correctness.
I, myself, do not use tobacco, but they’ll have to pry my coffee and chocolate from my cold, dead hands.
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