From our “How Quickly They Grow Up Department”: Tween pop idol Miley Cyrus is reported to be in negotiations for a million-dollar deal to be the spokesperson for LifeStyle Condoms That’s going to put a whole new spin on her signature tune “The Best Of Both Worlds”, dontchathink? In related news, yesterday I got to explain what condoms are to my 7-yera-old daughter over lunch. Her reaction? “That’s gross!” I predict millions of similarly awkward conversations between parents and their pre-pubescent female children, but a huge uptick for sales of “Hannah Montana” bubblegum-flavored personal lubricant in Disney stores across the country. Meanwhile, Miley’s dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, is still a has-been. That is all.
From our “It’s Bleedin’ Seabird Flavor” Department: Celebrity chef and noted gastrosexual Gordon Ramsay got a little more than he bargained for recently when he fell ass over tea kettle off aa cliff in Iceland trying to catch a live puffin to cook and eat on his television show. The puffin bit him on the nose, causing him to lose balance and plummet onto the rocks below. Ramsay was quoted as saying “%6*@#$! *_@%@$^!!! you sodding puffin!” Nice mouth, Gordon. Do you talk to your mother that way?
From our “Too Hot To Trot” Department: It’s official: former Vice President Dan Quayle will NOT be one of the celebrities on the upcoming season of “Dancing With The Stars”. Why not? Sources say the only dance he knows how to do is the Mashed Potatoe. I t looks like pop star Lance Bass WILL be on DWTS, but producers have put the kibosh on having the now-out-of-the-closet star dance with one of the male dancers. That’s one less “showmance” to have to think about come September. The celebs will be announced on August 25.
