Tag Dancing With The Stars

Where Are We Going, And How Did We Get In This Handbasket?

More proof that Everything Is Going To Shit:

Last week, one of the best-known landmarks of the excavated ruins of the Roman city of Pompeii collapsed. The House of Gladiators had survived the explosion of Mount Vesuvius over 1900 years ago, was excavated in the 1920s, and even survived Allied air raids during WWII, but poor maintenance of the site and budget cutting from the government of Silvio “Bunga Bunga” Berlusconi finally did it in. The rest of the ruins are similarly imperiled, to the outrage of many in Italy.

Several years ago, when I went to Ireland with my brothers, it seemed like everywhere we went there was the none-too-pleasant smell of peat being burned. Having long ago denuded the Emerald Isle of practically all the trees, the irish have been cutting peat out of the ground and using it as fuel for their furnaces, fireplaces, and stoves for centuries. But that’s coming to an end pretty soon, because the industrialization of peat excavation is destroying the bogs. Burning peat is seriously less efficient than other biofuels, and creates a lot more pollution, plus the bogs are highly-specialized habitats, so there’s actually an upside to driving the peat industry out of business, but they’re making sure they squeeze every last Euro out of it while they die.

And, then there’s this: Bristol Palin has made it to the semifinal round on this season of Dancing With The Stars and could win the whole magilla due to an organized effort of Palin-drones to rig the vote. Insert your own joke about this not being the first time Bristol went all the way.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Facebook launches their e-mail service today.

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Quivering With Anticipation

No, not because tonight is the season premiere for “Dancing With The Stars”. I’m still holding out a last glimmer of hope that Levi Johnston will dive out of the audience, grab Bristol out of Mark Balas’s arms and whisk her back to the wilds of Alaska, neither of them ever to be heard from again.

My breath holds and a small bit of drool hangs pendulously from the end of my lolling tongue because tomorrow is the official launch date for Civilization V.

The Civ V Facebook page has been whipping the fanbois into a total frenzy since late last week, posting review after glowing review from all the gamer mags. After some initial head-scratching over the wisdom of changing the mapping from squares to hexes, pretty much everyone who has seen the game demos, played the betas, and play-tested for the reviews agrees that the latest version lives up to the series’s reputation. Having gone through this more than a few times with not just the previous iterations of Civ, but many other PC games where the anticipation was intense, I can predict that no matter how glowing the reviews, it will take less than 24 hours for a nearly equal amount of bitching and moaning to begin as people start to actually play the game and discover that it really isn’t the Holy Grail. One can only hope, though, that the complaints aren’t because of a slew of heretofore-unfound bugs that make the game difficult or impossible to play until the developers pull several all-nighters to rush out a first patch. I can live with disappointed fan screaming, but I don’t want to know that the Firaxis crew missed some giant showstopper bug.

I pre-ordered my copy of the game via Amazon several weeks ago, but now I’m debating canceling that order and downloading it online via Steam so that I don’t have to wait the extra 5-7 days for my game to ship. Here’s the thing: the initial release of the game is PC platform-only. That’s nothing new, and eventually the Mac version will drop, but that typically takes a couple of months or more. Not wanting to wait that long, I had decided when they announced the game that I would run BootCamp and partition my MacBook so that I could have a Windows boot partition to play the game. My MacBook’s specs meet the minimum requirements, so I’m pretty sure the game will run, if not in full-splendor mode. But I’ve been running into obstacles getting BootCamp to partition my drive, not to mention running into problems with getting a reliable WinXP installer. So, I *could* use the extra few days while a CD ships to work out the issues…or, I *could* fire up my big desktop tower that I don’t really use anymore and download the game via Steam and play it on that until the Mac version is released later on. Neither scenario is exactly ideal, but each has its upside, too. I have until midnight to figure it out, because Amazon should be shipping the CD promptly.

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Now Dancing The Merengue…

Oh, DWTS, how badly you have disappointed me. Thanks for leaking the story about Bristol Palin being a contestant over the weekend so that I had a few days to wrap my head around that, but the announcement of the rest of the cast last night leaves me weeping and in despair. The fat kid from “That’s So Raven”? Margaret Cho? Is she even ALLOWED on network television? THE SITUATION?!?!?!?!?!?!

And to top it off, Edyta quit! Now who’s going to be all naked ‘n’ stuff? It better not be Florence Henderson!

I’m seriously evaluating whether or not I’m even going to watch this season. At this point, I think I’d rather watch one of those midget/quintuplet/cake decorating shows on TLC.

Here’s a dog dancing the merengue in a clip that is bound to be better than ANYTHING Bristol Palin does:

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“If I Win, The Fix Is In”

Gael from Pop Culture Junk News tries to wave a flag about a story that hasn’t gotten much attention in the wake of all the outrage of AIG: on Monday, Steve Wozniak posted remarks on his Facebook page calling “Dancing With The Stars” fake and rigged, only to recant his story and delete the items the next day after being reamed a new one by the producers. Gael is also an editor at MSNBC.com and posted a story about it there, but the other major media outlets haven’t really picked up on the tale.

Gael got her heads-up from this article at CNet.com, which offers what the writer says are actual quotes from an e-mail Woz posted to his Facebook group. The actual e-mail was removed on Tuesday and replaced with a very obsequious apology to the producers by Woz’s intermediary. But if you read the pullquotes from the original e-mail, his accusations are serious and his irritation palpable. He says that the producers had decided well in advance that 1) Woz would be in the danceoff and 2) he would win, and both of those predictions ended up being true. It should come as no surprise that it’s the audience voting that is the vector for rigging the show — actual vote totals are never revealed, leaving the producers a wide-open doorway for rigging the results any way that suits their needs.

So not only has the show jumped the shark, I’m guessing Woz needs to make sure he doesn’t end up sleeping with the fishes.

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Linkapalooza — Celebrity Gossip SPECIAL!!

From our “How Quickly They Grow Up Department”: Tween pop idol Miley Cyrus is reported to be in negotiations for a million-dollar deal to be the spokesperson for LifeStyle Condoms That’s going to put a whole new spin on her signature tune “The Best Of Both Worlds”, dontchathink? In related news, yesterday I got to explain what condoms are to my 7-yera-old daughter over lunch. Her reaction? “That’s gross!” I predict millions of similarly awkward conversations between parents and their pre-pubescent female children, but a huge uptick for sales of “Hannah Montana” bubblegum-flavored personal lubricant in Disney stores across the country. Meanwhile, Miley’s dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, is still a has-been. That is all.

From our “It’s Bleedin’ Seabird Flavor” Department: Celebrity chef and noted gastrosexual Gordon Ramsay got a little more than he bargained for recently when he fell ass over tea kettle off aa cliff in Iceland trying to catch a live puffin to cook and eat on his television show. The puffin bit him on the nose, causing him to lose balance and plummet onto the rocks below. Ramsay was quoted as saying “%6*@#$! *_@%@$^!!! you sodding puffin!” Nice mouth, Gordon. Do you talk to your mother that way?

From our “Too Hot To Trot” Department: It’s official: former Vice President Dan Quayle will NOT be one of the celebrities on the upcoming season of “Dancing With The Stars”. Why not? Sources say the only dance he knows how to do is the Mashed Potatoe. I t looks like pop star Lance Bass WILL be on DWTS, but producers have put the kibosh on having the now-out-of-the-closet star dance with one of the male dancers. That’s one less “showmance” to have to think about come September. The celebs will be announced on August 25.

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I Must Go Down To The Sea Again

TV watching is a “feast-or-famine” situation for me. I only regularly watch about half a dozen shows, all of which have either limited runs or produce new episodes in small batches. That means that some of the shows I like are only on a couple of times a year, and others I get to watch in six-week clumps then ignore for three months while they repeat over and over. It doesn’t help that a good number of the shows are on the Discovery Channel, which has never met a series it couldn’t run into the ground by airing it four times a day, five days a week.

For those of you just dying to know about my television watching habits, these are the shows I watch regularly: (after the jump)

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Oh, Yes, Talk Dirty To Me, Valerie!

Valerie Bertinelli cause a few eyebrows to be raised yesterday at a Ladies Home Journal event by talking about the Eliot Spitzer scandal. Advertising Age reports she called any woman who dates a married man a “whore” (except herself, that is…) and said she was more interested in health care than Eliot Spitzer’s dick. You’re making me so hot, Val!

Valerie’s going to have to clean up her dirty, dirty mouth though, because she’s just been hired to be the second banana for Rachael Ray’s talk show.

And if the rumors are true, she’s REALLY going to have to watch her language…the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column says that Rachael Ray is about to get her big ol’ ass handed to her because her ratings are so bad. But that’s not why Valerie will have to be careful how she uses that mouth. The story goes on to say that Ray might be replaced with Marie Osmond, for whom they have been trying to put together a talk show vehicle since she wow’ed ‘em on “Dancing With The Stars”, and those Mormons don’t cotton to potty-mouthin’.

So you save all that bad talk for me, Val, and I’ll bake you up a double batch of brownies just for you. Mrrrrrrrowwwwrrr!

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Signs Your Celebrity Career Might Be Almost Over

1.  Getting naked, putting on a bad wig and pretending to be Marilyn Monroe (because look at how well MM turned out)

2. Being "the aging actress" on Dancing With The Stars (Oh, Priscilla, Elvis is spinning in his grave over your bad facelift)

3. Barbara Walters won’t take your phone calls anymore. (Although he’s still on Raul’s speed dial)

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A Little Bit Menopausal, A Little Bit Rock-N-Roll

Donny and Marie

Despite the fainting spell and losing out to Helio and Julianne, I guess Marie Osmond was buoyed enough by her stint on “Dancing With The Stars” to agree to host a “reality” show with her brother Donny and also possibly revive the talk show that they had together back in the 1990s.

I’m a little iffy as to what sort of “reality” show the Osmonds would do. How about “The Polygamist” — a show about a Mormon bachelor who has to decide which six women to marry. Or maybe they can just follow Mitt Romney around for the next year and explain how it is that they all have such perfect hair and teeth.

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Don’t Touch That Dial!

teevee

Here’s a catch-all post about things I’m watching, not watching or looking forward to watching on television. It’s long, so I’ve put it under the fold.
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