Tag Department of Homeland Security

Win One, Lose One

Ars Technica sums up the present situation with the REAL ID program that the Department of Homeland Security would like to shove down the throat of every single person in the country. In brief, there are now 17 states which have passed resolutions rejecting some or all of the provisions of the REAL ID Act, and so DHS has started backing off of the implementation schedule they originally proposed, moving rom 2008 to 2013. They are also backing off on the degree to which they will enforce the “no-fly” provision for people from states which do not adopt REAL ID standards. Additionally, Congress rejected giving DHS $300 million for the program over the summer. 2013 is TWO whole presidential election cycles away, so the likelihood of REAL ID survivng that far out is pretty weak.

Meanwhile, you don’t have to wait to be vetted by the Gestapo to be allowed to fly. You can pay for the privilege RIGHT NOW. As has been anticipated pretty much since September 12, 2001, there is finally a commercial enterprise that will certify you as a 100% Patriotic Non-Terrorist American Hero. In return for letting them do a full background check on you, they give you a nifty little card that lets you bypass the long security check-in lines at a number of major airports (only an handful right now, but expected to increase) without having to take off half of your clothing and dump everything on your person into a gray plastic tub for X-ray scrutiny. And for this you only have to pay $99.95! Isn’t America wonderful! I can almost guarantee that frequent business travelers will be permanently signing away their right to privacy in DROVES!

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A Nation Of Terrorists

Iran? No, guess again. Iraq? Yeah, right. Pakistan? Close, but no cigar.

It’s us. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) released a report earlier this week that says that the Department of Homeland Security’s “Terrorist Watch List” now has over 750,000 names of American citizens on it, and that another quarter of a million names will be added to it in the next year.

That’s right, we’re closing in on ONE MILLION SUSPECTS in the United States. No wonder the government needs to tap our phones, filter our e-mail, keep us off airplanes, and arrest us without warrants or speedy trials, we’re fuckin’ dangerous! I’d better go turn myself in before I blow up something! You should too. In fact, I think I’ll rat you out to see if I can get a plea-bargain…I knew there was something shifty-looking about you.

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Protecting One American At A Time

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The Department of Homeland Security has announced a new initiative designed to keep each and every American safe and secure.

The FreedomSphere™ Personal Security System will guarantee that all Patriotic Citizens will be protected from virtually any sort of Evil committed by Evildoing Evildoers. All Americans will be required to use the FreedomSphere™ in all public spaces beginning January 21, 2009.

Comments:
This is such a Fahrenheit 451 image…I want one and I want to send one to every living creature in Iraq.
Posted by Karan [URL] on 04/13/07

It’d make it hard to go through doorways.

As Mama Shakes would say: What the poop?
Posted by flerdle [URL] on 04/14/07

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And Green Monkeys Might Fly Out Of My Ass

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Yesterday at BoingBoing, Cory Doctorow had a link to this recent post by computer security expert Bruce Schneier commenting on an FBI notice sent to state and local officials saying that “terrorists might try to get jobs as school bus drivers”. Not that there were any actual reported cases of this happening, merely that someone thought this was something terrorists might try.

So Cory added a few of his own suggestions for things to warn people about. I liked this one especially:

Terrorists could infiltrate the world’s car companies and manufacture large, fuel-inefficient vehicles like Hummers. Once America has gone all SUV, the resulting carbon emissions would contribute to polar melting and global warming, causing devastating hurricanes through the southwest, killing and displacing millions of Americans. Ban car companies now, or the terrorists have won.

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