It’s us. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) released a report earlier this week that says that the Department of Homeland Security’s “Terrorist Watch List” now has over 750,000 names of American citizens on it, and that another quarter of a million names will be added to it in the next year.

That’s right, we’re closing in on ONE MILLION SUSPECTS in the United States. No wonder the government needs to tap our phones, filter our e-mail, keep us off airplanes, and arrest us without warrants or speedy trials, we’re fuckin’ dangerous! I’d better go turn myself in before I blow up something! You should too. In fact, I think I’ll rat you out to see if I can get a plea-bargain…I knew there was something shifty-looking about you.