Tag Eliot Spitzer

A Very SEXY Terrorist

Did you know that Eliot Spitzer and his $5000/hour “date” were threats to Our Father..um..Homeland?

This Newsweek story details how the FBI used the provisions of the PATRIOT Act to demand transaction records from banks so that they could look for “suspicious” activities. The FBI did this to the tune of 1.23 MILLION times last year, and the banks, quivering in fear of facing stiff penalties for not complying, bent over like a Republican senator in an airport bathroom. Not a one of those activity reports turned up any terrorist activity, but one DID turn up Spitzer’s shuffling around of cash to cover his visits to “Kristen”, and the FBI had themselves a sweet little investigation fall right into their laps.

Or did they?

This piece on the political news website In These Times asks how is it that only Spitzer’s dalliances merited an investigation. In fact, the article points out, the Justice Department actually went out of its way to cover up parts of the infamous “DC Madam” scandal, including a list of well-connected Washington clientele and 10 years’ worth of documented phone records. And the questions continue to linger as to why Palfrey’s attorney didn’t call Republican senator David Vitter to the stand in what was all but guaranteed to be a political tidal wave of bad news.

In These Times editor Joel Bleifuss, who wrote the piece, doesn’t really wonder about any of this at all. The Bush Justice Department, he points out, goes after Democratic politicians FIVE TIMES more often than Republican politicians through the so-called “Public Integrity Section”. Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman could probably tell you a little about that, too.

The FBI’s own internal audit admits to at least 1000 cases where the PATRIOT Act was used in violation of its actual intent, and who knows what the real number of violations is. Not unlike the majority of the million-plus banking transaction reports, there’s a pretty high probablity that the FBI simply used this power to troll for information and most often came up with nothing. While nobody will argue that Spitzer wasn’t actually guilty of his inappropriate and illegal behavior, did the FBI have any credible suspicion that he or the call girl represented a danger to public safety? Or did his stupidity and lust simply play into the hands of a political juggernaut in the White House which saw an opportunity to knock out an adversary?

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Don’t Look So Sour, Eliot!

Why so down in the mouth, Eliot? I mean, sure, you’re out of a job after Monday, your political career is ruined, you’re out 80 large ones, and every comedian in America has said “Spitzer? I don’t even know her!” at least once this week.

But, hey! You should be happy because today is a double holiday: it’s Steak And A Blow Job Day AND it’s Pi Day!

“Kristen” said on her MySpace page that you always LOVED Steak And A Blow Job Day. And heaven knows you’ve had to eat a lot of humble pie this week.

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Oh, Yes, Talk Dirty To Me, Valerie!

Valerie Bertinelli cause a few eyebrows to be raised yesterday at a Ladies Home Journal event by talking about the Eliot Spitzer scandal. Advertising Age reports she called any woman who dates a married man a “whore” (except herself, that is…) and said she was more interested in health care than Eliot Spitzer’s dick. You’re making me so hot, Val!

Valerie’s going to have to clean up her dirty, dirty mouth though, because she’s just been hired to be the second banana for Rachael Ray’s talk show.

And if the rumors are true, she’s REALLY going to have to watch her language…the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column says that Rachael Ray is about to get her big ol’ ass handed to her because her ratings are so bad. But that’s not why Valerie will have to be careful how she uses that mouth. The story goes on to say that Ray might be replaced with Marie Osmond, for whom they have been trying to put together a talk show vehicle since she wow’ed ‘em on “Dancing With The Stars”, and those Mormons don’t cotton to potty-mouthin’.

So you save all that bad talk for me, Val, and I’ll bake you up a double batch of brownies just for you. Mrrrrrrrowwwwrrr!

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