Tag farting

One More Reason I Am NEVER Visiting Malawi

Malawi is a small African country squished in between Zambia, Mozambique, and Tanzania. Brutally poor, densely populated, and mostly agrarian, Malawi suffers from one of the highest rates of AIDS infection in the world, has a high rate of infant mortality, and only has a life-expectancy of 50 years for the average male.

But as if that wasn’t enough to deter you from planning your next vacation along the shores of Lake Nyasa, be aware that the government has recently outlawed farting. I doubt I would even be allowed past the border!

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Who Knew Plants Could Fart?

You learn something new every day. This video demonstrates the unique properties of dictamnus albus, also called Burning Bush or Gas Plant, because it actually secretes a flammable substance that can be ignited in a dramatic flash, as seen in this video:

(The guy in the video says the plant releases methane, but that’s not correct. It’s a resin on the plant itself, not a gas, and gives off a lemony smell)

Dictamnus is also used medicinally, but can be toxic, and the resin itself can cause skin irritation just from handling the plant.

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Maybe NOW You’ll Believe Me

I keep telling you that brussel sprouts are vile and nasty…this news story reports that the Chessington Zoo in the U.K. had to evacuate the ape house after feeding the gorillas brussel sprouts as a “breakfast treat” because the resulting farts were so overpowering that people were beginning to succumb.

Quoth the zookeeper: “I don’t think any of us were prepared for a smell that strong.”

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Adolf, Julianne and Me

Be Warned: this post falls squarely into the “TMI” category for many people.

When you take several different daily medications, the way I do, inevitably you’re going to get at least ONE unpleasant side effect. Considering all the possible side effects that many popular prescription drugs cause, I am actually fairly lucky in that I only have one or two worth mentioning. I switched one of my medications a couple of months ago, and, while the beneficial effect of the drug has been enormous, it has had more noticeable side effects than just about anything else I’ve ever taken. Of them, the most aggravating one did not last very long. One that remains is dry mouth, particularly if I’m nervous, but which is easily dealt with by drinking water throughout the day.

The other one, though, is a little problematic. You see, it makes me fart. A lot. No, no, I mean A LOT. The average person cuts the cheese about 14 times a day, expelling about half a liter of gas. While I haven’t actually bothered to count, I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that the number of occurrences is greatly in excess of the average, and I am producing enough gas to fuel the entire city of Boston for a week.

One of the other pills I take also affects the lower GI, so I had gotten used to being a little gassy, but lately it’s bad enough that I am even starting to gross myself out (and I am not easily grossed out, let me tell you). If this particular drug weren’t so effective for its intended purpose, I would stop taking it, but I expect to continue with it for some time. So I guess I need to visit a CVS and check out the non-prescription anti-flatulent options and cut back on the consumption of foods that only make the issue more severe.

You know who else had a farting problem? That right. Hitler. Turns out the Germans needed all that lebensraum to put some safe distance between themselves and Der Fuhrer’s SBDs.

But it’s not just Hitler. This particular video clip shows “Dancing With The Stars” hottie Julianne Hough treating her partner Helio Castroneves to a little toot during rehearsal. And you thought pretty girls didn’t fart? PUHLEEZE.

(It’s at moments like these that I bet you’re all glad nobody has invented Smell-O-Vision for the Internet yet)

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