Tag Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving
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Reheating The Meaty Treats
Expecting to be inundated with leftovers after your big Thanksgiving meal on Thursday? Most everyone I know looks forward to having a couple of meals of leftovers, but by the end of the holiday weekend you’re probably sick to death of them. So take a break and have something else and save some leftovers for a few days down the road. This chart gives you an idea of how long various components of Thanksgiving dinner will last in the fridge or freezer. You ought to be able to wring a few days of turkey-free dining out of things before you have to bite the pullet…er, bullet.
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The BKO Guide To Thanksgiving
Your host, Mr. BKO
Greetings, friends. Thanksgiving can be one of the most stressful days of the year for many of us, so here are a few helpful tips from me to you to make your holiday a little less tense:
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It’s very important to have your menu worked out in advance to make meal preparation simple and efficient. Even though many of us enjoy trying new dishes and stretching our culinary imaginations the other 364 days of the year, the reality is that your family doesn’t want anything “unique” or “creative” for Thanksgiving, they just want the same old same old. It is okay, however, to experiment with one or two side dishes:
And remember to choose an appropriately sized turkey for your group. A thirty-pound turkey may look awfully impressive on the table, but your family of four will be eating leftovers for six months.
If you decide to deep-fry your turkey, please follow all safety precautions as directed by the manufacturer of your deep fryer. Most importantly, DO NOT attempt to deep fry your turkey indoors, as it is an extreme fire hazard.
As the day wears on, your family members may begin to get a little impatient waiting for the feast. Small children can be especially hard to keep entertained, so make sure they have plenty of toys and games to amuse themselves with:
The men in the group might be kept entertained by watching the traditional Thanksgiving Day football games. You can help them increase their enjoyment of the game by making explanatory cards that will help them understand the arcane rules and signals used by the officials:
After stuffing their faces full of dopamine-laden turkey and hyperglycemia-inducing carb-heavy side dishes, your family will probably collapse from exhaustion for a while, until time and digestion work their magic and start everyone scrambling for the bathroom. Be sure to stock up on high-fiber food like this:
Even the best cooks in the world sometimes have unexpected kitchen disasters, so in the event things go south in your kitchen, you can always give the Colonel a call.
I hope these tips prove to be useful to you, and wish you all a pleasant Thanksgiving!
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Eat One, Save One
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. Most Thanksgiving dinners feature a roast turkey as the main course, and all told Americans will consume approximately 675 million pounds of turkey tomorrow. Resultingly, approximately 900 million hours of tryptophan-induced post-dinner naps will occur sometime in between the conclusion of the meal and halftime of the Dallas Cowboys v. Seattle Seahawks game, waking up just in time to indulge in 479 million hours of insulin-induced diabetic comas from eating 366 million pumpkin pies.
Earlier today, George W. Bush got in a little practice before letting himself and his band of war criminals off the hook by pardoning not one, but TWO turkeys. Luckily the turkeys were named “Pumpkin” and “Pecan”, not “Dubya” and “Dick”, but I suspect he’ll get around to freeing those turkeys before January 20, too.
Poultry processing is a filthy, dangerous, cruel, and relentless thing, just perfect for the backdrop for an interview with Sarah Palin, or an episode of “Dirty Jobs”. If people really knew much about how that mutant hyper-breasted fowl got from the farm to their plate, they would probably never eat a drumstick or slice of breast meat again.
The animal protection group Farm Sanctuary in Watkins Glen, NY has been running a program called Adopt-A-Turkey since 1986 that lets you “sponsor” your very own rescued turkey living at the program’s farms in New York and California. The rescued turkeys live a life free from the harsh conditions of commercial poultry farming, and even get their own special vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner every year. You can even really “adopt” a turkey to take home and care for yourself…just don’t mention cranberry sauce around the bird when you get him home.
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Hey Babe, Wanna Play A Little Turkey-Lurkey?
Alt. Title: “Yo, howzabout a little breast and thigh meat, baby?”
You are invited to add your own captions. I might add some more as I think of them myself.
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the U.S., and may the rest of the world enjoy an America-free Thursday. Posting returns on Monday.
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A Modest Proposal
It’s Thanksgiving Week here in these United States, and so begins the least productive six weeks of the year for those of us who are enslaved to Our Corporate Masters. From now through New Year’s, offices all across the country will begin a steady downshift as people take extra time off, streeeeetch out their lunch hours to go to the mall, spend even MORE time online looking for deals on eBay and Amazon, engage in extended water-cooler chatter over the umpteenth cranberry-nut bread brought in by someone in Accounts Receivable, and post naughty pictures from the company’s holiday booze cruise on their MySpace pages.
Meanwhile, for the poor, misbegotten souls who must earn their daily bread in the non-stop world of retail sales, things are only getting crazier. Since at least September, people all over the Internet have been posting pictures of and rants about the extra-early arrival of Christmas decorations in malls and department stores. Fearful of waiting for “Black Friday”, the day after Thanksgiving that they had already turned into a nightmare of shopping, only to find out that sales might be down, this year many large retailers starting with Wal-Mart itself and working on down began their seasonal discounting the day after Halloween. For retail workers, there is no such thing as time off during the last quarter of the year, no lazy days playing “Snowman Bowling” online, no bugging out of the office a couple of hours early to pick up some stocking stuffers.
So here’s my idea.
First and foremost, make it illegal for ANYONE to put up ANY Christmas-themed decoration a single day earlier than the day after Thanksgiving. And I mean not just the malls, but those people who have their Christmas lights on their house immediately after Halloween as well. Take down the pumpkins and witches, and go garland-free for three weeks, okay? It won’t kill ya. The Pilgrims were a dour lot and would not approve of 6-foot inflatable light-up turkeys, let alone animatronic Jesus displays. I practically shouted out with glee when I saw this photo of a sign at a Nordstrom’s — it’s only too bad that the one they’re building near me won’t be open for Christmas so I could give them ALL of my business this holiday season.
Second, let’s just own up to the reality of the situation and declare the entire period from Thanksgiving Day to New Year’s Day one giant national holiday. But instead of letting all the corporate cubicle cattle loaf off for six solid weeks, here’s what we should do: every office worker in America should be required to do two weeks of work in a retail job, and all the retail workers can spend two weeks answering phones, filling out TPS reports, and hoarding office supplies. Sort of like an extended version of the traditional British holiday of Boxing Day. And everybody gets four weeks off. If it’s all staggered out correctly, nothing has to close, everyone gets their holiday time, and corporate and retail workers alike get a taste of each other’s misery.
Now, clearly not everyone in this country is a corporate office worker or a retail employee, but maybe different sectors can work out similar exchanges — factory workers and fast food workers, or postal employees and DMV clerks — I’ll leave those details up to you.
Then, on January 2, everything reverts back to normal and we all stop bitching about it for the next 11 months.
Is it a deal?