Tag Top Ten

The Hot Hot Hot Top Ten

The Top Ten Hottest Years Since Meteorological Records Have Been Kept:

  1. 2005
  2. 2007
  3. 2009
  4. 1998 (hey, how’d that get in here?)
  5. 2002
  6. 2003
  7. 2006
  8. 2004
  9. 2001
  10. 2008

Noticing a trend? No? Maybe this NY Times infographic might help:

The first six months of 2010 have already cinched this year taking the #1 spot on this list.

You might like the NYT article that graph came from. It’s actually about how Congress and the Obama Administration are avoiding bringing up the climate bill that desperately needs passing. This Orion Magazine article by author Bill McKibben is even a little more pointed.

And for the denialists among you, a different Top Ten List: Ten Key Indicators That Global Warming is Undeniable. Stick that in your teabag and drink it.

The Top Ten For Cinco De Mayo

Numero Uno: Vomito de Gato — Sure, blame it on the cat, but I ain’t cleaning it up.

Numero Dos: The Arizona State Police — Obergruppenfuhrer thinks you look a little too Jewish…Mexican. Show him your papers, schnell!

Numero Tres: Huitlacoche — Or, what the gato ate that made him vomito in the first place.

Numero Quatro: Cameron Diaz — All the Jose Cuervo in the world ain’t gonna help you tap that, amigo.

Numero Cinco: Virginia Mayo — Cinco, Mayo, get it? Huh? Huh? Oh, I *am* good.

Numero Seis: Chad Ochocinco — Singlehandedly destroying the myth that black people have rhythm every Monday at 8:00 p.m. (7:00 p.m. Central) on ABC.

Numero Siete: Tamales — Get your own damn tamales, mang!

Numero Ocho: Tijuana Donkey Show — Oh, yeah, you did.

Numero Nueve: The Most Interesting Man In The World — Well that certainly is an interesting smell, anyway. Stay sober, my friends.

Numero Diez: An Elmo Piñata — Because I have always wanted to beat the shit out of Elmo with a stick, and so have you.

Top Ten Things About The New Apple Tablet

1. If you take two, they provide instant relief!
2. Rumor mill says it will hold up to TWENTY Commandments!
3. Available in easy-to-swallow chocolate coating
4. Will finally make that annoying “I’m a PC” guy shut the fuck up
5. You will absolutely look like a dork holding this up to your ear to make a call
6. Next time someone calls you out for giving them the finger, you can say “I was just using gesture commands”
7. At least you can’t spill coffee on the keyboard
8. That Dilbert strip about the “Etch-A-Sketch” is one step closer to reality
9. Can also be used as a makeshift cafeteria tray
10. 100% effective as birth control, because if you buy one you’re never gonna get laid again.

Top Ten Things About Badgers

1. They have those awesome retractable metal claws…oh, wait, that’s Wolverine.
2. All badgers are born knowing how to do quadratic equations, but lose this skill within days after birth.
3. They have a delicious vanilla creme filling.
4. In 1876, a single badger held off an entire division of Austrian hussars for three days. Later, Archduke Ferdinand himself presented the badger with a commission as field marshal and a big purple sash.
5. Badgers are deathly afraid of citrus fruit, particularly pomelos.
6. Aaron Copland wanted to write an entire symphony about badgers, but Leonard Bernstein convinced him not to do it. He regretted the decision for the rest of his life and often muttered “Fuck you, Lenny, badgers kick ass” as he sank into dementia.
7. You can make a musical instrument out of a badger carcass by sticking a piece of bamboo in its ass and blowing air in its nose. Aaron Copland knew about this. Draw your own conclusions.
8. The University of Wisconsin chose the badger as its mascot only after rejecting the star-nosed mole and the pollock.
9. No one has ever seen a badger wearing suspenders.
10. They are frickin’ awesome!

Top Ten Things About Scott Brown

1. Single-handedly turned GOP from a party of lunatics and morons into a party of lunatics and morons plus a guy with a pickup truck.
2. As the newest member of the Senate, he is required by tradition to buy pizza for everyone on his first day in the chamber.
3. His daughters probably aren’t hookers, but his family is definitely a bunch of attention whores.
4. Saved Massachusetts the horror of having a diligent, competent, boring woman in national office.
5. His pickup truck has a sticker of Calvin peeing on Ted Kennedy’s grave
6. John McCain giggles every time he hears Brown say “Obamer”
7. Voted “Republican senator least likely to get caught picking up rough-trade homos at truck stop” by his peers
8. With the wave of his hand and the wink of an eye can spread rainbows all across America
9. His agent is already in negotiations with Sarah Palin for a porn video
10. Can’t wait to get to Washington to screw over all the people who voted for him.

The Top Ten For December 3, 2009

lasagna

1. Lasagna

totie fields

2. Totie Fields

zircon encrusted tweezers

3. Zircon-Encrusted Tweezers

sacred cow

4. Sacred Cows

bubbles01

5. “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles”

m16a rifle

6. M16A2 5.56mm Semi-Automatic Rifle

voltaire

7. Voltaire

accordion beaver

8. Accordion-Playing Beavers

leatherback2

9. Leatherback Grandmas In Bikinis

Jocelyn Wildenstein

10. Jocelyn Wildenstein

The Top Ten For December 2, 2009

spelunkers

1. Spelunking

viking_ship_night

2. Viking Funeral Boats

alben barkley

3. Alben W. Barkley

waukesha

4. Waukesha, Wisconsin

lambada

5. The Lambada

Erlenmeyer_flask

6. Erlenmeyer Flask

Morgan Fairchild

7. Morgan Fairchild

dwarf-bullfighter

8. Midget Bullfighting

tigger

9. Tigger

trilon-perisphere

10. The 1939 World’s Fair

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