I think I saw some zombies on the way to work this morning, walking into Dunkin Donuts for their coffee. In fact, I think *I* was one of those zombies! AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!
Even though April is traditionally the month where Zombie Jesus returns from the dead to feast on the brains of the faithful, May is Zombie Awareness Month. So, in that spirit, the usually factually-challenged British paper The Daily Mail chimed in with the very-real story of how a parasitic fungus called Cordyceps turns ants into actual zombies to carry out its own evolutionary imperative. The article says that biologists have recently discovered that insects parasitized by Cordyceps almost always complete their death struggle at midday. Which is kind of contrary to the whole zombie aesthetic of “Night of the Living Dead”, but, hey, this is REAL, people!
Here is a segment from the BBC documentary series “Planet Earth”, narrated, of course, by David Attenborough that shows the whole zombification process, including the death grip and the über-creepy spore-spike through the head thing:
I have to admit, this actually gives me the willies to watch, even though I’ve seen it several times.
As it so happens, Cordyceps is also used as a pharmaceutical, primarily in traditional Chinese medicine. Apparently it demonstrates some anti-cancer properties and also is used to improve circulation. It was even implicated as a performance-enhancing drug used by Chinese Olympic runners in the ’90s. It’s also thought to have antidepressant properties. You can readily buy it as a “nutritional supplement” online. You can always tell who’s taking it, though, since they are the people missing big chunks of flesh wandering around at night, with huge spiky spores sticking out of their heads.
The National Safety Council has a list of the top 23 causes of death in the United States, and this BuzzFeed post conveniently lists them for you along with some meme-tastic pictures for illustration (several of which regular BKO readers will recognize, I’m sure). It should come as no surprise that the top three are heart disease, cancer, and stroke. Also on the list are being stung by bees (#20), riding a motorcycle (#11), and assault by firearms (#9).
Y’know, given this diagram, it’s really hard to understand why so many fundies are against Halloween; it seems like the PERFECT Christian holiday. You got your king of the undead AND your fun-size candy all in one shot.
Now, someone just needs to start selling “Sexy Virgin Mary” costumes for the ladies.
